-260 Mother's Day - Good Day/Bad Day

Today was like one of those Sad Face/Happy Face kind of days. There were good bits and bad bits. Parts that made me smile and parts that made me sob. A moment where I felt valued and a few others where I felt out of the loop and shut out. A day where I praised God in the beginning the Church service but by the time I came home I was trying to repent of my attitude and selfishness.

I'm not sure how much to share with you. I did say that this blog was going to be a somewhat honest look at what it was like to be Single & Christian in Sydney. And although I'm not openly stating who I am I am sure that if anyone I know ever stumbled across this blog ( and it's possible if I accidentally leave my blogger editing page open on my ipad or even in the early days of writing I had it bookmarked in Safari on the ipad - no longer! Lol! ) they would know it was me and in some ways know much more about my thoughts and heartaches than they really should.

So lets just say this to preface why I found today so hard. A long, long time ago I lost something that I didn't know that I had until I didn't any longer at a time where my world was falling down around me. It makes not only this time of year a little sad when I remember but also events like today as well. I have been praying for so many years that I would have all of these things again but better because it was God planned and God timed but it hasn't happened. And so I guess I grieve for the idea of what could have been.

This morning started off fine. I knew I wouldn't be seeing my Mum for Mother's Day today as she was visiting family but I would talk to her a little later. I went to Church and we had such an amazingly beautiful time of worship I can't even put into words how thankful I felt to be there.

I had steeled myself for the empathsis on being a Mother and the importance and blessing it was to be one in the sermon and it was a surprise and really wonderful to hear our Pastor's wife  ( Pastor N ) acknowledge carers and teachers as being "Mothers" too. Refreshing.

The women had beautifully arranged High Tea arranged for after the service for all the Mums and Grandmothers in our Church to sit down and be blessed. Before I could make my quick get away - lest not stand out as pretty much the only non Mum or Wife in their 30s - Pastor N grabs me and tells me that I need to come up the back too as I look after kids more than anyone she knows. Holding....back...the...tears....

Still feeling like a fraud though I let myself be distracted by Polly Pocket & Such A Boy and their requests to play with my ipad and to sit with them. So I did for a while. And we had fun.

But then I looked up the back to see all these Mum and Grandmothers talking and sharing together and I felt like I had been excluded from something ( not by these women but in general ) that was special. And then the horrid thoughts of not being "good enough" or "ever being a Mum" and then reminding me what was lost hit me like a tidal wave out of nowhere. And I just had to get out of there.

I drove down the road a bit turned off the engine and just sobbed for about 15 minutes to the point where I almost couldn't breathe. I felt like I had just lost the most important person in the world to me I was being that ridiculous.

So by the time I got home then came the selfish thoughts. The "me me me me me" chorus was in full swing.

And then God smacked me across the side of the head with the reminder that there are so many women out there who want to be Mother's but are infertile ( I have 3 cousins struggling with this issue right now ) or those who have lost their children or grandchildren to either death or divorce. And so many other situations.

But then sadly all of this hasn't stopped the random acts of crying that have occurred today. Again I say ridiculous. And perhaps you will say that I am alright to have these feelings.

And that's why it's been such a weird day of contrasts.

*Insert :) and :( where you see the need ;)

xMiss365

-266 Rain rain go away? Or God's up to something good :)

Remember this post  in January ? So that creek was just behind a showground called Queens Park in Toowoomba, Queensland that flooded quite badly. Every Easter there is a Christian music festival held there called Easterfest and the clip above was actually taken from their offices ( I'm pretty sure - don't quote me on this! ) 

Anyway, many people wondered if Easterfest would go on this year since Toowoomba is a fairly largely populated inland town it was all but certain that the town would be up on it's feet enough to support the extra 30 000 or so extra bodies/smelly campers that descend on the town for the long weekend. The festival is held over three days and all on site camping passes sold out before the festival started and the only way you could see the bands etc was to get day passes which requires wristbands - as you do. But since the town is still getting back on it's feet I heard that the organisiers were encouraging everyone to get offsite in between bands during the day and "give back to the town". Which going by past events I'm sure they would in droves. Toowoomba was about to receive a fast food/supermarket/coffee/slurpee boost ;)

Unfortunately I was unable to get up there this year, I always think about it but since my friend's camping/music festival days are put on hold for the time being I chose to follow via Facebook & Twitter. Leading up to bands like Switchfoot and Paul Colman Trio ( they reunited!!!!) playing Easterfest were announcing how the weather reports were saying that it was going to be mostly fine, maybe some showers etc. 

This is what happened last night ( Saturday ) 

 

Oh no! You might say. And well, yes there were probably a lot  of "Oh no!'s" by campers as everyone was evaculated and a lot of tents, sleeping gear and other stuff was flooded and saturated. No one slept on site last night and local Churches and halls houses everyone who camped. A massive task I might add!

So is Easterfest cancelled ?

No no no ! :) Well sort of.....Switchfoot didn't get to play and they are now on their way to Perth and a few other bands didn't make their way up....but.....

It's now in the streets of Toowoomba :) How cool is that?! God obviously thought that the people of Toowoomba needed some good old Aussie - and non Aussie - Christian music and there are coffee shops and stages being set up all over town! Talk about street evangelising on Resurrection Sunday :)

And apparently it's a beautiful sunny day in Toowoomba today. Go figure !

I'll leave you with a song created by the Mainstage Collective that was written & produced by the Aussie mainstage acts to raise money to support Toowoomba. I love this song. Mostly because I'm pretty sure it started with Compliments of Gus - love - but it's also got PC3, Scat & more. And it's created via about 3 or 4 different states in Australia and countries.  But it also reminds me of my time in Queensland earlier this year as I think I listened to it on repeat all the way home on the plane.  Enjoy :)

xMiss365