-249 Well....beep....you!!!!

Breathe....it's ok....that isn't aimed at you. Nor did it come out of my mouth.

But I did unfortunately hear it from two different girls last night coming home from work on the train and then walking home and both apparently were talking to their boyfriends/husbands or "Babes" as they so loudly declared as they picked up before the expletives were exchanged.

Now in both instances I was not interested in what the problem in the relationship was that day but I kid you not both of these young women ended their phone calls with the words "Well *%#$ you!" and then they hung up as loudly as their mobile phones could.

Don't you just miss the days where you could slam down the handset of the phone with emphasis?! Lol!

Anyway, as I unlocked the door to my single person abode last night I did start to wonder if all that relationship angst is going to be worth it. Am I going to be able to give up the the flat that I am decorating to my taste ? Cooking or not cooking dinner each night to the demand of my tastebuds ? Reading until all hours and falling asleep while the bedside light is burning brightly and not disturbing anyone ? Not having to negotiate life with and being tempted to end phone calls with an expletive...ok perhaps not....ok maybe a milder version of one and then a fustrated hang up of my mobile phone.

Crumbs. Am I becoming "set in my ways?" And preferring to be single because I like it ?

Oh dear. I'm going to bed. I don't like where this is heading. ;)

xMiss365

-278 More pruning?

Not going to write anything much tonight. All I am going to say is that it appears my work issues that I thought had been put to rest late last year apparently have not. I'm not sure what it's all about just yet as I haven't really been informed properly but the worry, anxiety and sadness this is causing me makes me wish I had never had opened my mouth in first place. I haven't handled all of it particularly well in the past in retrospect but I honestly thought making a firm break between work and personal would help. 

It doesn't seem like a coincidence now that since I calmly set the record straight the other day it seems there may be some kind of consequence for that. It's just speculation. I could be completely wrong since I don't actually know what's going on but I do know that I will be requested for a meeting sometime in the future and it has something to do with my personal/work relationship with a particular person. 

I'm not looking for answers or comments on this post tonight and I do know it's a big downer post and quite cryptic but I do want to be honest about my life as a single person too. There are going to be nights where we ( us single people particularly those who live alone ) who come home from work and find it hard because there is no one to talk or vent to or get a hug off or distract us from work problems so sometimes on nights like tonight they weigh more heavily than they should. Tonight is a night like that for me. 

I'm sure it will all work out but it's all just too complicated at the moment. 

Trusting God. Big time. :)

xMiss365

-323 Back to reality ( Tuesday 4th January 2011 )

Photo by nuttakit

*sigh* Holiday over. We had to lock up and be out of The Holiday House by 10am  but I knew that going straight home would be hard for me after having five straight days of company. Going home to an empty flat is always difficult for me after being with people after long stretches of time like this so I've worked out ways of distracting myself. 

On the way home, after saying goodbye to Bestest Bud, Bonsai Master and Such A Boy - who thought that he would see me in a few minutes, I drove down the coast a half hour and stopped off at a large shopping centre to indulge in some retail therapy. As you do ;)

I had fun shopping, eating lunch and was tempted to see a movie but was aware of hitting peak hour traffic if I left it too late that by the time I ended up putting my key in the door it was about 6pm that night. 

And it was ok. I had enough to do that night to not feel "alone" and missing the lazy, lounge bodies that were sitting ducks for random chats. ;) After four years of living solo it took me about 2 of them to work out that after I've spent holiday time, or camp time with people that I need to plan to do something fun or distracting afterwards or I'm prone to hit the singleton loneliness blues pretty hard. I co-lead a camp for teens with disabilities each year with Bestest Bud & Bonsai Master and last year I got smart and booked a trip leaving the day I got home to visit Miss Chicago for five days ( this was after already spending 10 days in New York & Pittsburgh for the Wedding of the Year - that was an awesome month ! ). 

I think I've worked out a bunch more strategies for coping with the downsides to being single or even just living solo than I've realised. Pity I had to though :P

-356 Thank God for Wii Boxing

Photo by xedos4

Yes. Thank God for Wii Boxing. And I don't mean that irreverently. I am thankful. 

Living on my own and after coming home angry ( yes angry ) after something that I had not been able to shake off  despite praying and talking to God pretty much non stop on the drive home I turned to my Wii to offload some of that pent up emotional energy. Since I am unable ( due to the confidential and private nature of what made me angry in the first place ) to call a friend and talk about it or just process it by communicating with someone I had to work out a way to move past the immediate feeling without it ruining the rest of the evening ahead ( a night out celebrating Christmas - yep I know ! November ! - with some of the ladies at Church ). I made a choice not to comfort eat or have a nap but to switch on the Wii Active and do 30mins of boxing. 

I am now calm and although the problem hasn't gone away and if my mind strays towards what made me angry in the first place the emotions bubble to the surface again, I am better equipped to stop these thoughts in their tracks by purposely praying for the situation and for this person (even though that is still hard at the moment ). 

So this has me thinking. Will this change when I get married ? Will the temptation to just process my emotions verbally be my go-to deal just because there will be someone to bounce this off even if he doesn't necessarily want to listen he will have a ring on his left hand so he will be obligated to at least nod once in a while - right? ;)

For those of you that live alone like me, what do you do when you come home from work or have a testing situation ? Do you immediately turn to friends or family and talk it out ? Do you take yourself to a quiet place that is special just to you ? Do you do a RPM or a Pump class and sweat it out ? Or a combination of all these things ? What's your thing to do when you've prayed and talked to God but the emotions and energy is still hanging around ?

xMiss365