-252 True Friendship

Image by Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot

Yesterday I drove a few hours up the coast to visit Crazy Med Student & Blue Smurf to meet their gorgeous two week old creation who shall be called on this blog Hilariously Grumpy Faced Baby until he is no longer a baby an then he may get a new name!

So yesterday was true friendship day. It was looking beyond the words that were being spoken and responding to over a decade of friendship and history in order to understand what was really trying to be communicated. It was knowing who she is and how she has dealt with change up until this point and it was remembering what Bestest Bud needed in the early days of when she has Polly Pocket & Such a Boy. It was buying lunch for the three of us instead of expecting to be fed. It was offering to get her drinks and other items when she was feeding Hilariously Grumpy Faced Baby when it was just the two us as The Blue Smurf had an afternoon shift. It was not planing to stay for more than a few hours if it seemed like she needed to be visitor free but being very aware in the end that she needed me to stay and listen and just be there with her. Not because she couldn't cope on her own but because it was nice to have the company.

And then it was actually listening to her carefully when she told me a story for the second time that day and responding to what she really was saying or wanting to say. I got teary for her and we cried together. And then we laughed and ate some more chocolate. ;)

As I drove home much later than I planned to last night ( in the rain *sigh* I really dislike driving in the rain ) I thanked God with all my heart for the friendship that I do have with Crazy Med Student, The Princess & Bestest Bud because they are truly life long friendships that overcome crazy holiday tension, distance, different relationship statuses and temporary frustrations with each other because when we really need each other it's very obvious that we have each other's back.

Sometimes I just think Bestest Bud & The Princess need reminding of this but I think that's more to do with their leaning towards being more introverted, private personalities than Crazy Med Student and I are. We both seem to share when we are in pain. Somewhat reluctantly due to the perfectionism streak that runs strong in both of us...actually in all four of us...but Bestest Bud & The Princess tend to internalise and retreat when they are in pain. Frustrating creatures ! Lol!

But anyway yesterday even in the midst of all of this I was able to hint at the fact I go to the three of them for my encouragement as pseudo husbands and debunk the myth that I have people trying to set me up with single guys all the time. She has someone in mind and has solid plans for me to meet him when I'm up there next time ! Hurrah !

And I am totally in love with Hilariously Grumpy Faced Baby he is gorgeous and has this fabulous grumpy look on his face pretty much all the time. I like him :)

xMiss365

-290 Single Blogging Community vs. Single Community in Real Life

Photo by luigi diamanti

This weekend has been one of those weekends of contrasts. I've found solace and excitement in finding new members of the Single & Fabulous  ( and non single and amazing ) Blogging Community and also once again realising that while I have amazing and wonderful friends in real life through stepping down from a particular ministry last year and the fact most of them are either married with young kids, newly married or geographically challenged ( lol, haven't used that term in a while! ) I feel disconnected every weekend from that community if there is no pre arranged event planned by someone. 

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I wanted to see Gnomeo and Juliet and I have yet to see it because I am simply tired of seeing movies on my own. WHINE ALERT AHEAD! - so of course last weekend and this weekend I couldn't find anyone to go with. The reason ? Family commitments either with their own plans for entertainment with their husbands and kids or family bbqs and parties. *sigh* And before you tell me the joy of going to movies on my own - I am well versed in going to see movies on my own or I wouldn't have seen hardly any movies in the past number of years at the actual movies but I am seriously and simply tired of doing it. Over it. With a captial O.

Where did my community of friends go where we used to hang out, go see bands on weekends, grab a coffee, have dinner out, go for random trips to the beach in the afternoon?....Oh yeah they formed their own community. Their family unit. Which I completely get. It's just that I am feeling the loss and I don't actually know anyone else who is single that I can do these things with at the moment. I think this is the fourth weekend I've spent at home on my own. There has been stuff I wanted to do but because I am in this funk of being tired of doing stuff on my own I've been napping a lot, reading, on the computer and sighing. *sigh*

Praying for a way to fix this. And if I do stay single this will pass because my friend's kids will get bigger and will form their own community of friends and I'll get my friends back again. But I'm not sure how else to expand my world without neglecting the one I have.

That said I've had a fun weekend reading these new blogs and getting insight into other people's lives and I'm finding I'm neglecting the pile of books I want to read because I'm finding all your lives much more interesting. :)

Monday tomorrow. Big busy work day.

xMiss365

-315 Thai food & Long lazy chats ( Thursday 13th January 2011 )

Photo by Markuso

Tonight I got the chance to have dinner with an amazing woman that I get to not only get to 'do Church with' but also sing with most Sunday's on the worship team. And those weeks where one ( sometimes later I find out both ) of us are away for whatever reason I miss her. I've known her since the first week I started to sing on the team at this Church, about the third week I arrived. Long story. And just in case you are wondering - singing on a worship team after starting in a new Church generally does not happen that fast nor should it - extenuating God circumstances ;)

Tonight we ended up at a local Thai restaurant ( hence the title of the post ) and I got the opportunity to get to know this fabulous friend a little better. I say a little because in true Miss365 current fashion I did most of the talking. And I promise I didn't mean to. And I didn't mean to talk about the work stuff because I didn't want to put her in an awkward situation or compromise her loyalties. Or more importantly change or alter her view on any of our common acquaintances where my work/Church life still crosses over. But I did and I tried to mostly
explain the situations and events rather than just whinge or cry "poor little me". 


So by the time I had finished "blabbing" the restaurant was closing and my friend suggested I come over her place and we continue our chat. I warned her that she would need to kick me out when she had enough or wanted to go to bed because as you know I will choose talking over sleep, eating or almost anything given the opportunity. And I don't "see" hints. I need "Miss365 I'm going to have to kick you out now because it's almost 4 in the morning and I need to go to sleep".


You laugh but I've heard that more than once. ;)


We chatted until about 3am about a huge range of things and I just fell in love with her sparkle, humour and heart even more. And yeah, I fall in love with friends ( in a different way to guys of course ) because once I "fall"  I have this insane sense of loyalty towards those that I do. Actually call me "Anne of Green Gables" - I  understand her search for  "kindred spirits". Some you have for a season, some you ride the waves of life with for years ( twelve and counting for some ).


What I mostly love about my friend is that she's been through something pretty huge in her life for the past couple of years, actually almost as long as I've known her, but that's just part of her puzzle. While she may see herself as different and she's used what she's been though in an awesome way I've always seen her as someone who just radiates the love and joy of God the whole time I've known her. Even when I didn't know what she was going through. I've never seen her as someone who ( and this is not specific to her just a general comment on reactions to people who have been through huge changes in their lives ) is more liked, or less liked, or more popular, or to be avoided, or to be looked after more, or to be left alone more, or to be rescued, or to be felt sorry for, or to be judged as to why they are going through such a hardship or why they aren't coming to Church every week, must be happy every week, or be prayed for all the time, or not at all or.....etc etc etc. She was just her. And I always thought it was horrid that she was going through what she was going through but I was intent on getting to know her "around" what she was going through. And she continued to radiate joy even when she didn't look like she felt it. She did.


And that's what I've wanted to be myself for such a long time - to be a person that has that 'thing' that extra something that people are drawn to that I KNOW is God and that I get to radiate Him. I was worried I lost that for most of last year, it felt buried, out of my control but thankfully God has given me some feedback in the form of a couple of people that I wouldn't have expected who didn't know what I was going through but still saw the love of God through me and in part because of that were drawn back to Him. *sigh* Thank you God. 


So back to my friend. Her alias was going to be about her hair now being curly instead of straight but I've been thinking that is not a reflection of her at all and does not do her justice. 


Tonight my Thai food patient friend shall be called....and it has nothing to do with baked goods....lol....

She Who Sparkles 

..because she does. She is covered in glitter ( blessings ) and she is constantly giving away glitter without realising it I'm sure. :)


xMiss365

-321 A really really ridiculously good day ( Thursday 5th January 2011 )

Homemade cherry mochas.....Strawberry Oreos....Miss Chicago at my home in person....sunshine & swimming in the pool with Miss Chicago, Bestest Bud, Bonsai Master, Polly Pocket & Such a Boy....spicy noodles, honey chicken & dumplings with The Princess & American Boy....Cold War Kids gig....home after midnight....*sigh*..Happiness :)

Miss Chicago came over this morning for a coffee before heading over to spend some time with Bestest Bud and The Crew. So we chatted about our year, fun things but also some things we were both struggling with and could relate to as only single people who live on their own can. Everyone has their challenges, married people, single people with flatmates (yep I remember), people living with family members, those that are divorced or separated and having to navigate the world of dating again while raising their kids. But no one else seems to 'get you' like another who is in a similar situation. So we spent about an hour and a half just talking and sharing and if you've read my post earlier where I've mentioned that my friendship love language is Quality time you would know that the 90minutes meant that we could be slack in our Skyping and emailing in the next few months and it won't mean a thing. Friendship love tank full ;)

So after giving Miss Chicago some time to hang out with The Crew buoyed up on her greeting of "Your so skinny!" when she saw me 'Well no, not skinny yet but I haven't seen her in 6 months and dropping the equivalent weight of a 6 year old child is a bit of a difference!' I headed on over to their place to enjoy lunch, chatting, kid cuddles, Polly Pocket catch up, swimming in the pool which included mermaids, hula hoop swimming through and shark attacks and a whole stack of fun!

After getting in trouble from  Polly Pocket for abandoning her ( in other words leaving her house before she was ready ) I went on home to get ready to head into the inner city to claim my birthday present from The Princess & The American Boy - a ticket to see Cold War Kids ! Yay oh yay!

First we had dinner at a fabulous, yet casual Shanghai style restaurant for dinner. The Princess is an avid reviewer on an eating/restaurant forum type website and gave the place a glowing 8/10 overall. She was impressed. I was impressed. I think The American Boy was impressed ( still waters and all that - lol ). 

Belly full we headed across the road to see the support act for Cold War Kids. All I am going to say is this. Young. Too many effects pedals. Too loud. Therefore do not deserve their amps. ;)

However Cold War Kids were amazing ! I love Nathan Willett's voice and the way he gets down and sings with his mic stand - love. :) It also cracked me up constantly to see Matt Maust ( the guitarist ) get so into playing ( and in the way ) that he kept getting either pushed or booted out of the way by the Bass player. They even played Saint John which went off. Here's someone elses recording from the gig ( no it's not me! )

So I by the time I got home that night it was well after midnight and upon reflection it was a really, really ridiculously good day :)

xMiss365 

-326 New Years Eve - Hurrah !

Photo by photouten

New Years Eve started off quiet. It's amazing how one night can come with all sorts of expectations of "fun" and "merriment" when really it's just another day and the pressure to do something a little more out there or special is a bit silly really. 

I did say in my post yesterday ( -327 Keep Calm and Carry On ) that I was taken by surprise at the fact that The Crazy Med Student was leaving earlier than I expected but after a good nights sleep, a bit of prayer I woke up and decided to make the most of the time we had together. 

We didn't do much during the day. A lot of being lazy, talking, reading magazines, watching cable tv ( which none of us have at home ) and then some of us going out for supplies and lunch before ending up having a quiet night in. 

What I loved about the night was when I asked someone what the highlight of 2010 was and it started a chain of shared memories, laughter and teasing and some good natured mocking that I love most about our friendships. 


When it was my turn to answer what the hightlight of my year was I didn't want to be a downer but so I said honestly that the trip to New York for the 'Wedding of the Year' ( The Princess & The American Boy ) was my highlight. When they pressed me further I did say though that I was hanging for 2010 to be over and I really wanted 2011 to be different. They reminded me that I finally had a migraine diagnosis ( yes I am thankful ) and that Bachelor #4 and I are building a good friendship. But yes I am quite certain that 2010 was not a year that I will look back on with fondness. God taught me and drew me to Him in ways I never would have expected and I am thankful to Him for that but He knows I am happy to see the back of 2011. 


And for most people that I've spoken to so far this year and late last year, they either thought 2010 was the best year for them ever ( marriage, babies etc ) or they would rather see the back of it ( death, illness etc ). Hardly anyone I spoke to had a "meh" year in 2010. 


My one down of the evening though did come at about 11.30pm when we were all upstairs and the topic of conversation was about marriage, weddings, children and being pregnant for the past half hour or so. I could feel the sob start to rise in my chest so I carefully and quietly got up and went downstairs, went out the back and just sat there and prayed while the tears of a single, lonely chick who would really like 2011 to be the year the single drought ends just poured down my face.


But the the blessing was that as quick as it came it went away too so by the time I came back upstairs the conversation topic had changed to other things and I had composed myself enough for no one to really notice. Not that night anyway ;)


So I hope your NY eve was great and special or that you got a solid night's sleep and the yahooing did not wake your slumber if you chose to sleep through the clock ticking over. 


And what was with that iphone alarm not working anyway ? ;)


xMiss365

-328 Packing my suitcase

Photo by Suzie B

It was about ten years ago - within the year 2000 that God introduced us to each other and ten years on we celebrate our fabulous friendship by going away on another holiday together - albeit this one is more laid back and closer to home. 

The four of us ( myself, Bestest Bud, Crazy Med Student & The Princess ) met because of Hong Kong but not all in Hong Kong. Some in Singapore, others in Sydney but yes all because God decided that however strange it may have seemed on the the surface to link the four of us together He knew what he was doing. 

I'm so blessed to have these women/chicks/girls in my life. Our friendship is timeless and lifelong. We can go weeks without talking although Skype and Facebook have helped us communicate a lot better these days it has only strengthened the bond between us. We have other friends but these three are the ones that I go to when I need a shoulder to cry on, a kick up the butt, a push off the crazy train, to share exciting news first to and to ask for prayer when I need it. 

It's the type of friendship that people write books and movies about. And I value it fiercely. It's been wonderful ( and amusing )  watching them fall in love and see how God has brought the perfect man for them into their lives and watch their unique love story unfold. I can honestly say I haven't felt jealous or resentful once for what each of them have. What I have felt though is that pang of 'When is it my turn God?' at each engagement and pregnancy particularly since two of them are much younger than I am. 'Times a wastin' God!' :P

But I never expected to have this type of friendship after The Real Ex and I broke up. This kind of supportive, non competitive, non judgemental, non jealous friendship was foreign to me and the opposite of what I was used to with female friends. There have been so many things that God has shown and blessed me with since he and I broke up all those years ago that I wouldn't trade for just any relationship. Which may explain why I haven't been in one for over a decade. I'm waiting for the right one. You see if God can give me amazing, wonderful friendships with these women/girls/chicks where I am cared about, supported, prayed for, accepted and dare I say it.....loved. Then how amazing will the right man that God is patiently waiting to introduce me to be?

I just have to wait on Him. 

And I will. 

And I'll just pack my suitcase tonight while I'm waiting ;)

Shall be blogging from the verandah from a lakehouse tomorrow !

xMiss365

-350 The introduction that healed my heart

Photo by Michal Marcol

I've been friends with Bestest Bud for almost 12 years now and over that time our friendship has been pretty stable. There have been some tough times but we've managed to work around these issues by not talking about them. Lol. 

Sounds wrong and in a lot of ways it is but over the years I've learned to respect her need not to talk about stuff that she is dealing with until after she has worked it through and tried not to confront her over dips in our friendship or when I've been hurt. 

Until recently it's worked because I've been able to share with other people or worked out other ways to work through it but it became apparent this year that God would have no more of that and made me deal with my fear of telling people they had hurt me just in case they picked up and walked away. I just don't feel safe. 

Unfortunately Bestest Bud has been part of the work issue that I'm not going into detail about she's been caught in the middle and I've agonised for so long and felt so guilty for what I could potentially I could say to her if I unbuttoned my lips that I've been somewhat guarded when we have hung out. 

Sadly she has been going through her own issues ( that I didn't know about ) and the distance between us has widened. 

When you look at the 5 Love Languages ( quiz for Singles follow the link but remember to come back ! ) I am quite firmly in the Quality Time and Words of Affirmation category as the two aspects that I respond best to. Again, Quality Time is not something she could give me ( due to circumstances I didn't know about ) and she is not a big Words of Affirmation person ( which I've always known and I've never expected her to be different ) so I've felt the difference in our friendship deeply. After a lot of Prayer and support ( The Princess and Crazy Med Student have been amazing yet caught in the middle of my maddness and sadness but have been wonderful ) we have hung out a bit, had a few honest chats and things are a lot better than they were. It feels as if a cool breeze had been blown into our friendship and although there are still things I wished I could say about how sad I feel about the changes and how I wasn't sure about where things stood between us and my relationship with her kids, things were pretty ok. 

Today a Southerly blew through without her realising it and I feel valued. All because someone introduced us to each other. It wasn't that she acknowledged to this group of teachers that we work with that we were former flatmates or that we have known each other for almost 12 years or have worked together before it was the fact that after a bit of chat and someone said something along the lines of "You guys must know each other well then" she replied with;

"Well yes. She was there for the birth of my two kids."

And just like that I felt valued. She didn't have to volunteer that information. We were at work. We'd established that we were friends, we had been flatmates etc. And we both laughed and said it was nice to be introduced to each other as it hadn't happened in a long, long time. 

Just like that my heart was healed. My lingering questions about the current status of our friendship had been answered and although I know Bestest Bud and I ( and Bonsai Master, Polly Pocket & Such a Boy ) will be lifelong friends sometimes hearing the importance of your friendship established like that in a public way is exactly what can heal a heart that has been sad and lonely. 


Value your friends. Someone prayed for a friend for Bestest Bud all those years ago, it turned out to be me if God can bless me with a friend in this way not long after The Real Ex and I broke up I just have to pray that my prayers and the prayers of others for a Mr365 will happen in the most perfect, wonderful, God amazing way - soon ! :)


xMiss365