-312 - 301 ( Tuesday 18th - Tuesday 24th January ) Following that still small voice

I've written a draft of my time away volunteering up North with the flood relief but just need to edit it now. Will be up and running tomorrow. I promise. And it's a looooong one too ! :)

* Have also updated -314 15 years ago today

Update**Gaahhhh! I lost it. How?!How?! How?!! *sob* I'm too tired to try to find it tonight.Although on a :) note :D to see Indonesia appear on my stats in the 'audience' section ;) *wave* And no you don't have to *wave* back if you happen to see this before I hopefully find the post I just edited and lost ! ;)

-312 & -311 Freaking out in the natural but my spirit is at peace - go figure! ( Sunday 16th & Monday 17th January 2011 )

Photo by anankkml

So for the past two days I have been entered in that time honoured battle of Self vs Serving with a side order of God holding back on a few details ;)

Basically here it is. Hopefully you've already read my post #9 365 Good Things (if not follow the link and then come back) and so you would know that I am staying with a lady that I don't actually know that opened up her home to anyone who felt lead to help. That would be me. 

Now I did a bit of Googling and immediately found one particular Church that seemed to be doing a fair bit of purposeful, coordinated effort to help with the situation. Time and time again I kept coming back to this particular church. After doing some mapping a little while later I found out their campus was about 20 minutes away from where I would be staying but their 'hubs' were all over the suburbs of Brisbane. Ok, I think I am meant to connect with this Church in some way. Got it God. 

Once I started to look seriously at the public transport situation and realised that it wasn't going to be easy to get around and also a bunch of emails flooded my inbox and facebook warning me that there were more than enough voluneteers up there already etc etc. I started to feel a bit silly and anxious about what I had done. I had already booked flights that I can't really afford ( well, I can but it's taken a fair bit of juggling and no safety net for at least a month ) and not knowing for sure if I would be a help or just floundering around the suburbs of Brisbane - well as you can understand the battle between the still small voice and the clanging loud one ( including mine ) has been rather exhausting. 

So I am in Church yesterday and had only earlier finished sharing this with a friend when I received a message from the lady I am staying with. It turns out that she had only just noticed that I had said that I was feeling like I was meant to connect with this particular church. Well of course - out of all the Churches in Brisbane ( and there are many of many different denominations ) it is her Church. 

I have my confirmation.

But sadly that hasn't stopped the anxiety off and on today. Not knowing is a hard concept. Not knowing the who, what, where, when etc when I have had to be in control at home and at work for so long is a hard concept to grasp. And I am a fairly laid back person. I just feel freaked stepping out in faith like this for such a small thing - I am in my own country ! Where they speak my language ! I would make a shockingly poor missionary !

I'm sure once I am there and I have an opportunity to talk to my new friend and to figure out the best way around I will feel less anxious and it will all fall into place but for now I am just trusting and hoping not to make a fool of myself by going. After all I shared this story with Devoted Dad hoping that he will see God in this and make a decision for Jesus. 

Faithful in the little. :)

xMiss365

-314 15 years ago today ( Friday 14th January 2011 )

Image by Ideas Go

Fifteen years ago today I was a different person. I was scared, angry, empty, lonely, insecure, happy, emotional, manipulative, in love, in hate, a doormat, an emotional wreck. Now I do admit at times I can be all of these things still but not in the all consuming way I was fifteen years ago. The difference? Something that I didn't have. 

Salvation. 

And fifteen years ago after picking The Real Ex up from the airport a few days before and seeing him come back from his time away with his Christian Dad a changed person I breathed a huge sigh of relief and although I was scared I went to Church with him that Sunday. Now Marvelous Mum had become a Christian and given her life to Christ about 6 months before and I am ashamed to admit that I gave her a hard time about it. Now in retrospect I realise that it was God tapping me on the shoulder gently reminding me of His existance and telling me that it was my turn soon. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to give up my life and become a 'goody goody'. Lol. 

And so in the car on our way to Church that night The Real Ex told me the parable of the mustard seed ( Matthew 13:31-32, Mark 4:30-34, Luke 13:18-19 ) and just to get my attention (lol) of course the same parable was used in the sermon that night. I know that some people get freaked out when God gets their attention like that but as soon as the altar call began I'm fairly sure my hand up was up and more importantly my heart was ready to ask for and receive forgiveness before anyone else that night ! 

My walk has been slow and steady since. I've had my walks in small deserts and then larger, longer deserts but always my heart knows Him and I haven't strayed too far off the path He has placed before me. 

It hasn't always been easy, particularly watching others who have appeared to have gone their own way and made their own choices and have known ( and know ) the joy of being married and being a parent ( and not just the 'being single stuff' but for the sake of this blog that's what I am mentioning ). But I keep reminding myself every time my thoughts stray in the wrong direction that my walk is my walk and my race is my race and to stay in my lane because if I look at someone else's race too often or make my own shortcut I might just miss a God designed rest stop that is perfect just for me!

So fifteen years ago today my heart had a Jesus sized gap. Now I am complete in Him. And I cannot and nor do I want to imagine a life without Him.

xMiss365

-315 Thai food & Long lazy chats ( Thursday 13th January 2011 )

Photo by Markuso

Tonight I got the chance to have dinner with an amazing woman that I get to not only get to 'do Church with' but also sing with most Sunday's on the worship team. And those weeks where one ( sometimes later I find out both ) of us are away for whatever reason I miss her. I've known her since the first week I started to sing on the team at this Church, about the third week I arrived. Long story. And just in case you are wondering - singing on a worship team after starting in a new Church generally does not happen that fast nor should it - extenuating God circumstances ;)

Tonight we ended up at a local Thai restaurant ( hence the title of the post ) and I got the opportunity to get to know this fabulous friend a little better. I say a little because in true Miss365 current fashion I did most of the talking. And I promise I didn't mean to. And I didn't mean to talk about the work stuff because I didn't want to put her in an awkward situation or compromise her loyalties. Or more importantly change or alter her view on any of our common acquaintances where my work/Church life still crosses over. But I did and I tried to mostly
explain the situations and events rather than just whinge or cry "poor little me". 


So by the time I had finished "blabbing" the restaurant was closing and my friend suggested I come over her place and we continue our chat. I warned her that she would need to kick me out when she had enough or wanted to go to bed because as you know I will choose talking over sleep, eating or almost anything given the opportunity. And I don't "see" hints. I need "Miss365 I'm going to have to kick you out now because it's almost 4 in the morning and I need to go to sleep".


You laugh but I've heard that more than once. ;)


We chatted until about 3am about a huge range of things and I just fell in love with her sparkle, humour and heart even more. And yeah, I fall in love with friends ( in a different way to guys of course ) because once I "fall"  I have this insane sense of loyalty towards those that I do. Actually call me "Anne of Green Gables" - I  understand her search for  "kindred spirits". Some you have for a season, some you ride the waves of life with for years ( twelve and counting for some ).


What I mostly love about my friend is that she's been through something pretty huge in her life for the past couple of years, actually almost as long as I've known her, but that's just part of her puzzle. While she may see herself as different and she's used what she's been though in an awesome way I've always seen her as someone who just radiates the love and joy of God the whole time I've known her. Even when I didn't know what she was going through. I've never seen her as someone who ( and this is not specific to her just a general comment on reactions to people who have been through huge changes in their lives ) is more liked, or less liked, or more popular, or to be avoided, or to be looked after more, or to be left alone more, or to be rescued, or to be felt sorry for, or to be judged as to why they are going through such a hardship or why they aren't coming to Church every week, must be happy every week, or be prayed for all the time, or not at all or.....etc etc etc. She was just her. And I always thought it was horrid that she was going through what she was going through but I was intent on getting to know her "around" what she was going through. And she continued to radiate joy even when she didn't look like she felt it. She did.


And that's what I've wanted to be myself for such a long time - to be a person that has that 'thing' that extra something that people are drawn to that I KNOW is God and that I get to radiate Him. I was worried I lost that for most of last year, it felt buried, out of my control but thankfully God has given me some feedback in the form of a couple of people that I wouldn't have expected who didn't know what I was going through but still saw the love of God through me and in part because of that were drawn back to Him. *sigh* Thank you God. 


So back to my friend. Her alias was going to be about her hair now being curly instead of straight but I've been thinking that is not a reflection of her at all and does not do her justice. 


Tonight my Thai food patient friend shall be called....and it has nothing to do with baked goods....lol....

She Who Sparkles 

..because she does. She is covered in glitter ( blessings ) and she is constantly giving away glitter without realising it I'm sure. :)


xMiss365

-318 All Tangled ( Monday 10th January 2011 )

Walt Disney Pictures

Let me just say I love going to the movies with little people ! It means I get to see these kind of movies without feeling slightly odd that I am choosing to do it on my own. 

Now a while ago I took up the challenge to see the movie Tangled on my own in 3D when it came out in Australia. Now I'm really sorry Jeanine but when it comes to choosing to see a movie on my own in 3D or with 3 cute little people ( and their Mum/Aunty ) in 2D well there is no choice really ;)

Other than the absolute beautiful animation, the great storytelling and the heart wrenching desire for a family to be reunited ( the King's tears rolling down his face just about broke me! ) was almost at the end ( in the scary bit ) Mr 2.5 yells ( yep yells ) out "I want Aunty Miss365!" and I got a Judgey cuddle for the remainder of the movie ( and a reason to stop the sobs that were threatening to bubble over ! ) 

What a great movie ! 

I also laugh at the thought of what I must have looked like at one stage later in the Food Court with the three of them all playing Doodle Buddy on my iPhone while I held it and talked to my cousin and her husband and drank a skim Latte ;)

Talented or what?!

Another good good day :)

xMiss365

PS I am now considering seeing Tangled in 3D. Maybe I will complete the challenge after all ;)

-319 My lightbulb moment ( Sunday 9th January 2011 )

* There will be an updated post here when I get back from Queensland - I want to listen to the sermon again and check my notes to make sure I get the Scriptures correct to support my 'Ah ha!' moment regarding the Sermon on the 2nd January and the vision God gave me about 8 years ago. Just wanted to write this here now so there weren't more posts out of order*

;)

xMiss365

-320 Bands with too many effects pedals & their consequences ( Friday 7th & Saturday 8th January 2011 )

Yep, regular readers ( all 3 of you - lol ! ) will know the meaning of the image to the left. 

Consequences of my big day yesterday ( -321 A really, really ridiculously good day ) and I would hazard a likely guess that what tipped me well and truly over the edge was the sheer volume of the support band last night at the the Cold War Kids gig meant that I was literally wiped out for two days with a migraine.

So not much to report. I slept a lot. I watched some dvds and browsed the web a bit. I don't think I spoke to another human directly during this time though. And I was annoyed that two of my precious holiday days were being taken up in Mirgraine Land. 

But I'm still glad I had Day -321. It was a really, really ridiculously good day ;)

xMiss365