|Image by Digitalart|
Here's what you need to know about my day yesterday ( other than the fact it was nice, I was perhaps a little whiny about being single and feeling a little lonely and lost at the moment, lunch was tasty from the very trendy little cafe they took me to, and Hilariously Grumpy Faced Baby is only slightly grumpy faced now is still very cute ).
* I wore a white t-shirt ( which was dumb and I knew it )
* I spilled coffee on it about 30 minutes into the trip.
* And again at about 45 minutes in
* And for a third time soon after I spilled a lot. *sigh*
* About a half hour before I left a friend of theirs from Church comes over ( they had a Bible study night ) and I open the door to a ridiculously good looking guy.
* I am covered in coffee, make up free, not looking my best. *sigh*
* He was nice. He asked questions.
* I'm not sure of the impression I left ( other than I have no hand to mouth control ) - lol
* And I am somewhat annoyed at Crazy Med Student for not warning me that he was cute. I had make up in my bag!
I'm not sure if he is single. And I don't think he asked about me otherwise I would have heard from Crazy Med Student by now.
But as I was driving home I realised how much work I have to do in terms of working through my "I don't deserve" and "Don't want to make a fool of myself" inner voices.
You see I could tell my friend that this Random Cute Guy at the Door was very cute and to let him know that I thought he was cute. But....
I don't want the humiliation of rejection. I'm still overweight. I'm older etc etc etc.
And I know that this attitude is not going to get me anywhere. I just can't seem to shake it.
What to do ? What to do? I prayed a lot on the way home last night. I really dislike this feeling that my outside feels so worthless that I can't even tell my friend that I thought this guy was cute?
EDIT : Wednesday night I sent Crazy Med Student a Facebook message commenting on something that was happening for her today and then ended with a PS Telling her that next time she wanted me to open the door to a good looking guy like that ( single, married or otherwise ) please give me fair warning to cover up any evidence of my poor hand to mouth control and to put some spack filler in my wrinkles. A gal has her pride. :P
Phew. Done. Told her I thought he was cute without losing face. Done. Thanks God. :)