A (somewhat) honest look at what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in her mid 30s in Sydney who wants to remain true to the life that God has planned for her but doesn't want to let go of her dream of being in a relationship again and eventually being a wife and mother

Monday, 28 February 2011

-289 Migraine Monday

I had such a big day at work today and worked through until about 6pm. It was The Non Bachelor's birthday so we talked on the phone for about an hour and not surprisingly he told me that he's met someone. Why is it so easy for guys? And why does it seem easy for them to meet women who are open to Christianity and going to Church to meet women outside of Church ?  I think, no I know, I need to get out more. ;)

Bachelor #4 made mention in an email that out emails were getting long so I suggested we Skpe. Still no word from him although he has commented on my Facebook status's and stuff so it's not like he hasn't been on. Not analyzing - I'm just not making excuses for him. I don't think he's interested in getting to know me beyond emailing I guess. Not giving up on him but I'm considering taking back his Bachelor status ;)

Can feel a migraine on it's way but I'm not going to accept it and succumb to it's sleepy pull. Normal bedtime for me tonight. 

Sunday, 27 February 2011

-290 Single Blogging Community vs. Single Community in Real Life

Photo by luigi diamanti
This weekend has been one of those weekends of contrasts. I've found solace and excitement in finding new members of the Single & Fabulous  ( and non single and amazing ) Blogging Community and also once again realising that while I have amazing and wonderful friends in real life through stepping down from a particular ministry last year and the fact most of them are either married with young kids, newly married or geographically challenged ( lol, haven't used that term in a while! ) I feel disconnected every weekend from that community if there is no pre arranged event planned by someone. 

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I wanted to see Gnomeo and Juliet and I have yet to see it because I am simply tired of seeing movies on my own. WHINE ALERT AHEAD! - so of course last weekend and this weekend I couldn't find anyone to go with. The reason ? Family commitments either with their own plans for entertainment with their husbands and kids or family bbqs and parties. *sigh* And before you tell me the joy of going to movies on my own - I am well versed in going to see movies on my own or I wouldn't have seen hardly any movies in the past number of years at the actual movies but I am seriously and simply tired of doing it. Over it. With a captial O.

Where did my community of friends go where we used to hang out, go see bands on weekends, grab a coffee, have dinner out, go for random trips to the beach in the afternoon?....Oh yeah they formed their own community. Their family unit. Which I completely get. It's just that I am feeling the loss and I don't actually know anyone else who is single that I can do these things with at the moment. I think this is the fourth weekend I've spent at home on my own. There has been stuff I wanted to do but because I am in this funk of being tired of doing stuff on my own I've been napping a lot, reading, on the computer and sighing. *sigh*

Praying for a way to fix this. And if I do stay single this will pass because my friend's kids will get bigger and will form their own community of friends and I'll get my friends back again. But I'm not sure how else to expand my world without neglecting the one I have.

That said I've had a fun weekend reading these new blogs and getting insight into other people's lives and I'm finding I'm neglecting the pile of books I want to read because I'm finding all your lives much more interesting. :)

Monday tomorrow. Big busy work day.


Saturday, 26 February 2011

-291 My 7 Facts Award!

One thing I love about having an iPad is being able to lie in bed of a morning ( particularly Saturday mornings ) and read my emails and check out Facebook before I even decide if it is indeed worth getting up. ;)

This morning I opened up my email and found that Miss Blase whose very cool blog I discovered yesterday had bestowed upon me the 7 Facts Award!


So here are Miss365's 7 Random Facts that may or may reveal my Bruce Wayne identity - depending on how well you know me that is! ;)

1. Up until the age of 24 1/2 the longest I was ever without a boyfriend was about a month. I still remember that being the longest month of my life. I have been single since April of 1999. Yep - no relationship since in the 90's. 

2. I think I hit my peak in Kindergarten when I had two Year 2 boys give me gifts on alternate weeks until the end of Year 1. They moved on to Year 3 and changed sides of the school. I still remember some of the gifts - talcum powder, a cute little doll house furniture chest of drawers and the fizzy feeling in my stomach every week when I used to run home every Friday after school, close my bedroom door and open my gifts. I still remember those boys names. I should Facebook them. Lol. 

3. While I love high end snooty person cheese I have a thing for McDonald's cheeseburger cheese and cheese in a can. Please don't judge me. ;)

4. I genuinely mourned when LOST aired its last episode last year. I watched every ep, read forums & theories, participated in some of the ARG's that popped up during the wait between seasons and every Christmas holidays started watching the series from beginning to end again. I was team Sawyer all the way ( but for me not for Kate! ) and was genuinely horrified to read that he and Juliet were going to hook up but fell in love with the two of them together. I still miss LOST ( and I think I just potentially outed myself on this one ! Lol ! Shhh if you know who I am ! )

5. Not proud of this by any stretch of the imagination but I find it amusing but pre Christian I was once so high that I spent 10 hours one night analyzing a Metallica documentary. Proof that drugs do nothing to enhance your life. 

6. I recently found out that I have mild Sensorineural hearing loss in both ears and apparently it's congenital which means I was born with it. I could wear hearing aides in both ears if I wanted to. What is interesting is that I've never had issues with reading or schoolwork and I am a singer. I struggle with not going flat at times but the only thing I notice that I find somewhat difficult is  with is trying to follow one person's voice in a conversation when there is a lot of background noise. 

7. I am a perfectionist with the messiest flat in the world. I watch 'How Clean is Your House' and 'Hoarders' and literally thank God for making me an extrovert rather than an introvert because the only time my house gets thoroughly 'cleaned  & scrubbed' rather than 'cleaned and tidied' is when I have someone coming over. 

Ok. So there are my 7 Facts. And the rules are.....

1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to their blog - Yep. Thank you Miss Blase.
2. Post 7 random facts about yourself - done :)
3. Pass this award onto 15 worthy bloggers. There shall be a post coming soon. It may be one that add to bit by bit but I'll do it. 

This was fun !


Friday, 25 February 2011

-292 Singleton Community

Photo by renjith krishnan
Just a short post tonight as I've been spending my Friday night following links and discovering a whole bunch of new blogs to read. Some are from other Christian Single Females and others are Christian Marrieds and others are Singles out there in the big wide world all of us pondering similar issues. Some things I've read tonight made me laugh really loudly and others made me tear up but there were so many common threads.

So many of us are trying to find that balance of wanting to love the benefits of being single while still not becoming bitter and giving up on the idea of relationships and marriage. 

I wonder how many of these blogs will cease to exist in six months or a years time because the writers have either found 'the one' or become so disenchanted that even blogging and the single community that comes from blogging about it isn't enough anymore. 

Only time will tell.


Thursday, 24 February 2011

-293 My List or The List or What do you have on your list? ( Thursday 24th February, 2011 )

"So what's on YOUR LIST Miss 365? You know if you write a list of everything you want in a man and pray about it then God will give you that man and you'll live happily ever after....I wrote a list and I got everything on my list and now we live so happy together"

Sorry if I sound bitter. I'm not. I just hate that 'Write a list and that's how God will introduce you to the man you will wed" mentality. 
And yes, I have written lists over the years and so have some of my friends. From memory I think I've only read Bestest Bud's list and despite her's being somewhat lengthy it was character based rather than physicality based. Oh, and yes Bonsai Master did fit her list - although true to God form not in the way you would have pictured him - at all. Lol. 

I've come across a few of these lists over the past few weeks when doing some decluttering and while some of them made me laugh because I obviously wrote them mid crush - they did have a few things in common. So perhaps I do still have an 'inner list' which I guess isn't a bad thing. 

So after a little reflection and listening to that 'still small voice of God' basically my list is....

  • A man after God's own heart
  • A man who loves me and wants to create an incredible life with me
  • A man whose face lights up when I walk into a room
  • A man who has a destiny and purpose and who wants to make a difference & loves the same in me
  • A man who gives good hugs and has a kissable face ( kissable face has nothing to do with looks but that I am attracted to him because of who he is )
  • A man that wants to have a  good home, work, church, fun balance in his life
  • A man who is steady but can be somewhat flexible and spontaneous too ( he'll need to be in order to cope with me ! )
  • A man that I can have fun with, laugh with and while be my 'best friend' still get that I need my girlfriends ( because he'll understand that I need to talk shoes, analyze relationships and work goings on etc and it will be in his best interests ! Lol )
  • A man that wants kids, would like to try to have kids, but won't walk away if we can't have kids. 
Now while not necessarily on my 'list' as such I would really like it if we had music, similar taste in comedy and traveling in common. But it would be excellent if we had a whole range of other differences as well -  like if he was better with money than I was (but not a total scrooge!), not a teacher ( boring! I know far too many teachers already - I need variety! ) and is accepting of people and where they are at. 

So that's my list really and sits in the back of my head only to pop up every now and then and remind me of it's existence. I don't think it's unrealistic and I'm not actively seeking the points on the list like a checklist every time I meet someone. For me I believe it's more a way of keeping my heart guarded and a reminder of what I really am seeking rather than if I am just settling out of loneliness. 

Ok, my regular commenters or commenter :).... and those of you that lurk - out yourself and comment on this one ! Be kind though ! This is after all from my heart and I bruise easily you know ! ;)


Wednesday, 23 February 2011

-294 How do you stop looking? ( Wednesday 23rd February, 2011 )

Photo by Tungphoto
Driving home this afternoon I was listening to an interview on the radio where an radio host was interviewing Danni Minogue and the conversation turned to dating and the host's lack there of a year ago. The host thanked Danni for  giving her what she considered the best advice ever the year previously in regards to her love life. Apparently Danni had looked so content in her relationship that the host just had to know what the secret was to finding contentment like that and so of course Danni told her to....

Just Stop Looking

Of course. Why didn't I think of that?! ;)

Do you know how many times I have genuinely tried to have a full and happy life and not think, pray, daydream or even dream about being in relationship, meeting someone or even having a decent member of the opposite sex interested in me?! It's boring, really hard and exhausting at the same time. 

But as I kept battling on through the peak hour traffic home I continued to think about this. Although it's easier said than done ( and this is hard to admit ) I maaaayyyyyy be getting a lot more used to the idea that I might not get married and may never have kids of my own and perhaps I am closer to the point where I'm not actually actively looking as much any more. And as the clock is running down ( as in the biological clock ) shouldn't I be upping the the looking and the doing rather than pulling back ? 

I'm not sure if this acceptance is just another thing to hide behind just in case I get rejected or that there isn't actually anyone out there who would find me amazing enough for him to want to spend his life with or if it's because through in part writing this blog and working out some other stuff in my life I am realising that I like my freedom now a little too much. What I don't like is not having many people to utilise that freedom with but give it a few years and their kids will be older and hopefully more fun and socialising can be had again. It's not a fun thing to ponder while tired and knowing full well that I have a really busy day at work tomorrow so I'm going to leave this there but other than slowly getting to know Bachelor #4 I am just not looking for anyone. 

How do you know the difference between 'can't be bothered anymore' and 'just not looking' ? 


Tuesday, 22 February 2011

-295 All these natural disasters so close to home ( Tuesday 22nd February 2011 )

Those poor people in Christchurch,New Zealand. Another Earthquake and even though this time it was 6.3 which was less than the 7.1 that hit last September it had such a massive impact today on that city. Not only because this time it struck in the middle of the day instead of the night but apparently because it was shallow and the aftershocks were stronger as well. 

There have been so many natural disasters so close to home in the past six months in a country that has only recently been declared free of a decade long drought.  The floods in Queensland, Victoria and parts of New South Wales, cyclone Yasi in Queensland and more cyclones and flooding in the Northern Territory, the bush fires in Western Australia and in New Zealand - only a short plane ride away these horrifying earthquakes.

The interesting part is that I am starting to hear about people talking more about feeling like that life is short and can't be taken for granted as easily as it seemed to be taken in the past. 

Will this mean that people's hearts will be softened where they once were somewhat hard or indifferent towards God and start to seek Him ? Or will people start seeking other things to believe in and blame God for what is happening ?

All I know is that "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life". John 3:16  

It's my prayer tonight that for those 65+ who have perished today in Christchurch that they already knew this or had a chance to know this. And for those who are seeking answers that they are lead to the one who created them and choose to know Him rather than try to blame Him.


Monday, 21 February 2011

-296 A cord of three strands can't be broken ( Sunday 20th February 2011 )

Photo by Getideaka
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

This verse was spoken by someone who was sharing in Church this morning, in reference to his marriage and ministry, and to be truthful I was only half listening because I was mucking around with the new Bible software on my iPad and was a little distracted. However this verse penetrated my brain for a reason today. 

I was at the local shopping centre after Church partly avoiding going to an empty flat and also getting my 10 000 steps a day up at the same time, when I spied another single acquaintance from Church one of the stores.

We had a coffee ( ok, well I had a coffee ) and I caught up on her latest foray into the dating world ( too soon too fast and the guy seemed to be a SASFAGR in my opinion ). But we had an interesting conversation about falling in love with and marrying a non Christian.

I know all the reasons for and against and the usual arguments and the Biblical standpoints and as my aquaintance pointed out there are no guarantees that even by marrying a Christian man that they will stay a Christian. But.....

I am reminded of that verse; 

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12 

I think I have come to the realisation that like it or not I have already made a choice that I do want to marry a Christian man where he can be one strand, I can be one and that God can be the one that binds us together from the outset to make us strong together. I know you can't control whether the other person cuts their strand - if The Non Bachelor and I were married and he chose to walk away from God like he did as we were breaking up, I may have been in a marriage that tested that theory. But I know that I would rather begin a marriage from the beginning with that third cord in our strand not praying that it can be accepted to be added during the marriage. I also can't imagine not being able to share a massive part of my life with my husband and have him understand and make a difference for His kingdom together.

So while the outright acknowledgment of this for me is a bit scary because essentially when thinking from a worldview perspective I'm cutting out a huge number of men here - I know that for me this is right.

I'm not expecting a perfect Christian man after all I'm not perfect, I've walked in small and large deserts over the past 15 years but if he is willing to be in a marriage with me and God, the three of us together then that's what am going to continually pray for until I have that ring on my finger just like that vision  I had or until I hear "Well done, good and faithful servant"  :)


Sunday, 20 February 2011

-297 Finding My Inner Cheerleader ( or in my case up myself dancer ) ( Saturday 20th February, 2011 )

Photo by Salvatore Vuono
Last Saturday night I spontaneously ended up having coffee with The Non Bachelor at his place and after hearing about his dating woes ( oh my! The drama! ) we got onto the subject of online dating and my own frustration with it.

And I never thought I would think this, let alone write this on a blog or acknowledge this in any way ever ( are you hearing my astonishment here?! ) he was the most helpful out of any of my real life friends have been so far. Not that the people that I have spoken to haven't been helpful it was just that he was able to not only give me advice based on being both a guy and someone that knew me before I lost that spark that attracted the male species ( more on that in a sec ).

At one point in the early hours of Sunday morning ( biggest coffee ever was required to get up for Church a few hours later ) he went upstairs and came back down with a pile of photos of me, both of us and even photos of my family that he had ended up with when we had broken up. It brought up a whole range of emotions looking at those photos and seeing how confident and downright cute I actually was when I was younger. 

I picked up a dating book a few weeks ago from a bargain bin and the bits I've read have been kinda helpful. And while a lot of it doesn't apply to my life and I won't apply to my life it doesn't have that "Christian sugar sweet just trust God to write your love story" that seems to be the theme of Christian dating or single books. Don't get me wrong Christian books have their place but I'm at the stage in my life where I trust God but I need practical tips and ideas. Again I digress.....

So one of the first bits that jumped out of this book when I read this chapter a few weeks ago was about in effect 'Finding Your Inner Cheerleader'. Not that the authors were actually saying that you have to be like a cheerleader ( thank goodness! ) but it was more about liking yourself and pinpointing when you were at your best and why you were at your best.

Well looking at these photos I realised when I was at my best and why I was at my best then. Unfortunately it was before I was a Christian and it shouldn't be that way but through circumstances and how I let those events shape my life I lost my spark. 

So after giving me some excellent, specific advice on what may be going on in Bachelor #4's brain ( without going into details - that would be far too weird ) I went home feeling like real progress had been made both in understanding the world of dating and reconnecting with my inner Cheerleader aka Up Myself Dancer - lol.


Saturday, 19 February 2011

-298 February Bachelor Update ( Friday 18th February 2011 )

So apparently the last time I mentioned Bachelor #4 was around Christmas when I said that we were establishing a slow and steady email friendship outside of The Dating Website That Shall Not Be Named. 

I had emails to answer while I was away over New Years at the holiday house but because of the patchy signal and me flicking back and forth between my online dating email address ( the one I gave Bachelor #4 ) and my real one I realised only when I came back that I had sent one of my emails to him via my regular email address. The one with my surname attached to it. The one he can google and since my surname is quite unique he could find out an awful lot about me in a very short space of time. 

But since he had actually shared his last name and videos of his family, his church website and all sorts of things and never demanded that I do the same I realised that I was being too over the top cautious. I think it was also being in a different State in Australia and not having yet worked out common acquaintances that made me feel a little weird about sharing that info. 

So fast forward to a couple of weeks ago when email silence decended from him for about 2 weeks and I thought that was it - interest in writing long emails had worn off and he had moved onto other things. 

Then of course I received an unexpected email from him citing being busy and lazy for his lax reply and I too realised that I had been a bit slow in replying of late, not due to lack of interest but more to not sitting down long enough to write back. Oh, I had time to read his emails but to sit down and write out a carefully worded reply? I couldn't even keep up with this blog. ;) Hence I suggested adding me to Facebook. If he had an account. 

About an hour later I had a friend request. And when I accpepted I didn't realise until I logged on that night on the full site rather than my mobile app than I had just friended a guy who on his page clearly stated that he was.....

In a Relationship

*sigh* Of course. There it was. I knew it was too good to be true. Why? I couldn't understand it. He didn't have to email me back. Or he could have just said. Or he could have warned me. Or he didn't have friend me. Or...whatever. 
Considered deFriending him there and then but I'm not sure if you know this about me but Miss365 is a natural stickybeak. Oh not a horrid in your face one but I do have a natural healthy sense of curiosity and I love a mystery. I was ( and still am ) a LOSTaholic - lol. 

So I scrolled and scrolled and continued until finally from the comments I worked out he was indeed in a relationship. And I shake my head. And laugh because some would say sadly I do genuinely find it funny, he is in a relationship with his bass guitar. Yup.

That's it for the Bachelor Update. Just one Bachelor at the moment. And in case you were wondering there was no contact ( from either of us ) on the 14th of this month ;)


Thursday, 17 February 2011

-299 The reasons I've been MIA are many ( Thursday 17th February 2011 )

Photo by Keattikorn
So it only took me 65 days to fall over in the daily blog - well if you knew Miss365 in person you may have been surprised that it took that long ! 

But seriously in the last month I have had two lost weekends of full on migraines, been back at work, applied for a short term job and been offered a completely different one and had to make a decision over the weekend ( I regretfully turned it down ), made slight progress with Bachelor #4 ( yes there will be an update ), spent time with The Real Ex whom from now on will be called The Non Bachelor ( because despite our renewed friendship and our ability to hang out together he will never make it onto the Bachelor list with a number next to his name! ) and had the single blues fairly hard after holding a close friend's day old beautiful baby girl. 

Rather than give up on this blog or madly try and catch up I'm just going to continue where I left off. I've been chained so hard to my computer at work during the day the past few weeks that by the time I've come home the last thing I've wanted to do was sit down and write a new blog post but I was driving home tonight and I felt that wanting to sign in and see what you've all been doing and to update this chronicle of my single life. 

I am encouraged at how positive the start of 2011 has been already. It feels like a year of adventure and I am determined to listen to that 'still small voice'. Bring it on!

PS -315 Thai Food & Long Lazy Chats has now been recovered and updated to it's full post glory. :)


Monday, 14 February 2011

-300 Valentine Valentine Whom Art You My Valentine? ( Monday 14th February 2011 )

Photo by Idea go's
The last time I was wished 'Happy Valentines Day' properly by a guy was in 1999 just before The Non Bachelor and I a broke up. The Guy I Used To DIG sent me some ridiculous text message in 2001 from memory but I'm fairly sure he sent it to two other girls as well so I don't think that counts. Actually I don't think he realised that sending it meant that he was in effect 'getting my hopes up' ( he was a bit clueless that way, lovely but either clueless or really crafty - lol ) so for the sake of this post....

..the last time I was properly wished Happy Valentines Day was in 1999 by The Non Bachelor aka The Real Ex.

Hmmm. Looks quite sad when it's written down like that. 

I don't despise Valentines Day but I'm old enough not to get sucked into the commercialism and the once-a-year-show-off-ness that it can be. And yes I was planning on avoiding Facebook and Twitter because it would be flooded by gooey-ness - which I love that my friends and acquaintances love their partners and spouses but sometimes I have to wonder who they are writing it for....but I digress.

So imagine my surprise when I get a text message not long after I get to work that morning wishing me a Happy Valentines Day. 

From a guy. 

There were xxx at the end of the message. 

I was also told to have a great day. 

Who was it from ? 

I'll leave you to work that one out for yourself. Lol. :P


Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Cyclone Yasi - Please Pray again

Cyclone Yasi soon to hit Far North Queensland. I have family bunkering down in a 'safe room' waiting it out for the next 5-6 hours. Here's a link you may want to see


Not sure how much real sleep I'm going to get tonight or what I'll wake up to see on TV or on the net tomorrow. Praying that we'll hear some news somehow from the family too.

So between the floods in Qld & Victoria ( North & South ) the Bushfires in Perth ( Western Australia ) Sydney seems to just be ridiculously hot at the moment. And despite what other people may be doing I am not complaining about the weather at all.

But prayers for all in Queensland and my family would be lovely. :)



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