A (somewhat) honest look at what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in her mid 30s in Sydney who wants to remain true to the life that God has planned for her but doesn't want to let go of her dream of being in a relationship again and eventually being a wife and mother

Monday, 21 November 2011

The Last Post ( for now )

A year ago today I wrote my very first post on this blog. It was two days after my birthday and I was sad because despite having a lovely celebration the next day I spend the official evening by myself and blew out the candle on my cupcake on my lonesome. 



As I blew out that candle I sobbed to God that this be the year that I meet someone, that this time of singlehood would finally come to an end. 

And as you can tell if you've stuck around, it has not.

But it's ok because as you can also tell He has blessed me with different learning experiences, fun times, sad times, friendships, repairing of friendships and other 'drawing me closer to Him' times in the meantime. 

There have been potential Bachelors come and go and now I'm taking a rest from online dating and trusting Him and seeing what He can do. 

I've been working on getting my fitness and my body back and I've lost 10kg in the past 11 weeks. 

I have a peace that I can hardly describe because He keeps holding my hand and taking the root killer out and ripping out the root causes to my anxiety and perfectionism. 

He gave me an out with the job situation that was causing my life to become a tangled mess and brought out the insecurities in both myself an in other people. 

New friendships were made solid thought it all and old friendships were tested but have come out the otherside different but hopefully stronger. 

I'm content and stretched at the same time.

And ready for the next 365 days.

Just not sure how often I'll be blogging about it.  I promise I'll be back if anything exciting happens of if I start dating or if I meet someone but for now this blog is going to have a bit of a rest. 

Thank you so much for those of you that read this regularly, commented, ever commented, prayed or are just reading this now. I am always contactable via 365christianandsingle@gmail.com and I will be popping back and reading your blogs. 

A Time for Everything
 1 There is a time for everything, 
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 2 a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 6 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 8 a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3 1-8

xMiss365


Wednesday, 2 November 2011

-234 Not so random thoughts



....I watched Once Upon a Time and thought of Jeanine from Wayfaring Girl on a Mission and prayed for her  and her family this past week, so sad for her loss but grateful for the certainty that she has about her Mum's salvation. But I also wish that I could have teleported myself over there this week to give her a quick hug too. 


....I saw a rainbow last week and I thought of Gail from Gail's Angle's new blog design and how she loves the rainbow tag cloud at the bottom of her page......


....I was in McCafe grabbing a coffee yesterday morning when I spied some animal crackers on the shelf and I wondered if Shannon had given up on her blog ( no she hasn't ) and that I now can't look at animal crackers without thinking inside my head "Shanimal's Crackers". True......




.....I was in a crazy classroom this afternoon and I thought of Chronicler from Annals of  Christian Single and her Tales of a Classroom in her early posts and I wondered how she would go in this one. And came to the conclusion that she would love it! ......


....I walked past a sock shop the other day and spied some Rainbow knee socks. Of course I associated them with Ms Blase from The Unpopular Girl in Womanhood and how I always have to copy and paste her name into my comments and I really need to ask her to tell me a shortcut to type her name properly ;).....


....and my Mum was talking about her cyber friend Michelle the other day and I immediately thought of the lovely Michelle that comments on my posts here and has always been so encouraging and supportive......


xx Miss365

Thursday, 20 October 2011

So what's been happenin' Miss365?

Well yes. It has been a while. I have been thinking of you all and I have actually checked in a bit and had a peek at your blogs. I just couldn't bring myself to write anything about being single or my life here over these past 7 weeks. 


The best thing I have done in these past 7 weeks is not do any online dating at all. 


Ok. Well I did check into one former site when they gave me some free time. And I did find an email from a member about something random addressing something from a forum post from ages ago which sparked a four day conversation about music and fitness. But I had no illusions and once my time was up it was done. I didn't pay for the site to continue the conversation and he didn't ask for my details so I was able to leave it at that. 


So why was I able to leave it so easily? I mean this guy....smokin' hot. The former Miss365's mindset would think and possibly articulate "Out of her league" but Miss365 has had her butt in the gym for the past 6 weeks and if it's not already up there check out how much I've melted off my bod with clean eating and learning how to run.  The Miss365 now was thinking "Smokin' hot but I really don't have time for this." I know!


I have no time to think about men or boys for that matter when I am either cooking, exercising or wishing that my body wasn't quite so sore after exercising but secretly liking it because I know I've actually done some hard work. 


WHO AM I???


Lol. 


Which actually isn't a bad question really.


God has been quite persistent in getting me to work on this anxiety thing. He is way past the pruning stage and now has the root killer out. We are getting to root of the matter.


And it's surprising what is coming up. And who, how and where these revelations are taking place. 


I'm still a mess. My home is a bomb site. How Clean Is Your House would have a double epsisode here but not as many pots are rattling anymore. And when they start I have enough knowledge now to begin to think about what just "turned the heat up" and started them going. 


It's quite freeing really. Still very noisy inside my head at times. But now that I am listening to the rattling it's easier to work out why it's happening in the first place. Sometimes I can stop it with a scripture, other times a song of praise and other times just a stern word to myself to "Cut it out." Lol. 


I'm soooo happy in my job and praying that I can stay. It's unlikely because of reshuffling at a system level but I have enough support where I am at and with several people of influence that maybe, just maybe I will be able to stay. I figure that God gave me this "out" from that situation before - He's got this one covered too. :)


I've missed writing this blog but I needed to step back and concentrate on other stuff for a bit. I'm hoping that I'll be posting a couple of times a week again. 


Now I'm off to check out what you've been up to! :)


xMiss365

Sunday, 9 October 2011

-236 A short heartfelt post

To those of you whom have left comments and sent me emails.

Thank you.

Thank you for your prayers, your words, your thoughts and for taking the time to notice I was AWOL with this blog writing. Your words were like a shower of glitter that blessed my heart when I finally logged into my email and read them.

Today was the first Sunday that God didn't deal with me in His persistently persistent way that I didn't have tears streaming down my face at least once today so the changes that have happened in the past 6 or so weeks have obviously made some difference.

There is still a fair bit of anxiety and obviously a fair bit of avoidance going on but I really believe that one of the things that has helped a lot is signing off from the online dating for a while and working on my fitness and nutrition.

I'll come back in the next day or so and write an updated post but now that I feel that I can write about being single and living this life again from this perspective and be honest about it  - I'm back. :)

Again your comments and emails made my heart sing more than you can imagine. I never would have thought that God could build a community like this so quickly and one that cares so genuinely, particularly since most of us have no idea what we all look like. ;)

xMiss365

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

-238 Sing My Soul

Image by Chaiwat
I thought I'd share with you a Part 2 to yesterday's post and tell you about how I ended my teary day.

Not all that long after writing my Help Fatigue Day -239 post, I shut down my computer, turned off the TV, stood in the middle of my lounge room and with tears rolling down my face sang songs of praise to God.

I can't tell you now because I honestly can't remember, what songs I sang but I can tell you that the bits of songs that poured out of my heart surprised me sometimes with their "vintages" and at times a tiny part of my brain was thinking "How on earth am I remember all the lyrics to this song? Haven't sung this one for years!"

But my spirit and my heart knew what I needed to sing to Him in my sadness last night.

Today was an ok day. Not amazing. Not horrid. There were a couple of great work moments. But it was an ok day.

And I'm fine with that.

xMiss365

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

-239 Help fatigue

This morning as I was leaving the flat I thought that I was going to come home tonight and write a nice, happy, hope filled post that was full of positive energy and sunshine and all things lovely. :)

And my day started off happy and all was good.

But I started to notice as the day wore on I was less inclined to want to help others when they asked for it. I didn't exactly say "No" but I was a little lazy in my answers. At one stage, after I had just bitten into a rather large piece of chilli in my Pork roll, that perhaps that was my consequence for giving half hearted "helpful" answers.

So after getting a fair amount of work done and having a slightly anxious conversation with colleagues about something that is coming up in our sector I got in the car, drove about 100 metres down the road and...

...burst into tears.

Yep.

And there have been random acts of crying since.

I won't bore you with all the details but I've prayed a lot this afternoon and I've reached the point of what I call "Help Fatigue".  My job is essentially helping others and speaking encouragement, wisdom and gentle "What on earth were you thinking?!" on an hourly basis every day.

I love my job. But it's a give, give, give job too.

And on other days I've felt like this in the past I've been in close proximity to kid cuddles or within a day or two of being involved in a community where someone may notice my sad eyes or because of that community I felt connected and less alone.

And the feeling passed.

But now I'm no longer connected to that community and I'm not in close proximity to kid cuddles -  I'm just at a loss.....honest post, hey? :)

So tonight I feel like I am suffering temporarily from help fatigue, disconnected & lacking in kid cuddles.

I'm ok. I promise.  And it has nothing to do with the Bachelor Updates or my retirement from online dating.

I just keep thinking tonight......

This too shall pass. :)

xMiss365

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

-240 Done with online dating.

Sorry it's been a while between posts. Potential Bachelor #5 and I were getting to know each other for a couple of weeks with voice emails and the like & one long Skype chat. 

And then that was it. 

Over a week and a half and nothing. 

I sent him a bright, cheery, short but not dismissive email about a week ago - just to remind him I'm still alive I guess and still no reply. 

I haven't seen him on Skype since so he's either not on, he's blocked me or he set up some other account that he hasn't logged onto again.

What I don't like about this online stuff is the ability to just avoid and never know why the other person lost interest in getting to know you. I've learned over the years that it most likely has nothing to do with me. He could have found interest with someone closer to home or some big family thing happened or he could have lost all fingers in a harvester accident....

Lol. 

Whatever.

And I do mean that "Whatever" with a shrug of my shoulders. 

But it would be nice to know sometimes. 

So Hurrah. My last online dating membership runs out in a couple of days so after much prayer I'm fairly certain that I need to let this go for a while. I think in some ways I'm trying to "control" God by persistently doing the online stuff. I know I need to just let it go and get on with doing other things. Like losing some more weight and being more than ok with being on my own again not just mostly. 

I've also realised that by participating in online dating I was using it as a safety net of sorts to not trust that I can attract men in real life. Crazy hey? 

So yes. Potential Bachelor #5 is done for reasons I cannot fathom. I don't think I'm that scary. Actually I know I'm not. 

On to the rest of the year getting fit and healthy again and seeing what God does for me with friendships and more in real life. Maybe nothing. But at least I won't be waiting by the inbox anymore. 

Worse than the days of waiting by the phone. ;)

xMiss365

Saturday, 13 August 2011

-241 Last was not the last

The last email was not the last email.

It was just a little slow in coming.

We have picked up the pace since then.

I have discovered I should not read/listen to them when they arrive newly minted in my inbox when I am at work.

I am embarrassed at my smiley lameness.

Yes I am keeping my head and guarding my heart and we are at the very beginning stages of a friendship but at the same time I am choosing this time not to be too guarded. I feel that God is telling me not to be. So I shall listen.

But yes. At the moment. I am like :D

*sigh* I am 36 and acting like I am 16 again.

Lol.

xMiss365

Sunday, 7 August 2011

-242 Potential Bachelor #5

Well it's only been a week but there maaayyyyy be a potential Bachelor #5 that I am getting to know but alas he lives on the other side of the world.

It might fizzle out really quickly. I'm not really sure why I am even giving him potential Bachelor status but he's the first one to intrigue me in a long time.

I'm waiting on the next email. It's been a couple of days. No biggie but I dislike the wait in the early days because you can't help but wonder if the last email was the last one.

Will keep you updated.

xMiss365

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

-243 When you are not the love of the love of your life's life

Miss365's iphone
Friday night I went and saw one of my favourite bands with The Non Bachelor. Now if you've been reading my blog for a while you would know that he is actually the last serious relationship I had over 11 years ago.

I wrote this on a dating site forum the other day ( I have since removed it ) which will explain where my head is at with regards to our relationship and how I can look at him now and not want anything more.

....I was with my ex-boyfriend from the ages of 15-25 and for only 4 years of that we were Christian. It was a roller-coaster of a relationship, that you would expect of two broken individuals that literally grew up together that wasn't always pretty or healthy but we were great friends and loved each other passionately.Part of the problem me thinks ;) 

So it was up and down until he simultaneously started to walk away from Church and a committed relationship with Christ and met the woman that he would literally marry within 18months of us breaking up.

I won't go into the complicated circumstances that surrounded our break up but suffice to say it wasn't pretty and I was broken. And lost. 

God put my heart together again piece by piece lovingly and built me from the ground up again. 

For years after we had broken up I would occasionally get a leading from God to pray for the ex, and I would through gritted teeth, but I was obedient and I did. 

About a year into my new life someone at Church had a word for me one morning and told me that "God was going to restore what was lost."

Silly pork chop that I was (at that time) thought for a while that we would get back together ( Nup, he got married, my brother was a groomsman) and then I thought that it meant that I would meet my own "One" and get married ( 11 years and still waiting *big dramatic sigh* ) Lol. :)

A couple of years ago despite living in the same and also working in the same areas of Sydney for years he spotted my car on the road, tracked me down and we met for lunch. It was nice catching up with him, he was happily married, still not really connected to God and that was it. 

Or so I thought. 

His life collapsed about six months later, his marriage broke down in a way that shocked him to his very core, he lost his Dad to cancer and he himself battled his own version of cancer. God got his attention through these horrid life circumstances. 

I was asking God one day what He had planned for this friendship because quite frankly I was confused. I didn't really want to get back together with him but I was also wondering if I was being a bit stubborn by saying "No way!" too. And God just dropped one word in my heart...

Restoration.

Now I am no longer a silly rabbit. I don't put any of my own ideas on His words until they come to pass. And I realised on Friday night that it had. 

We went and saw one of my newest favourite bands together and He was right. He did restore. He restored our friendship. And our shared "brother and sisterhood" in Christ. 

And it was possible because He (as in God) has been the one in control of the "When" and the "Where" and the "How". If I had tried to do this, then no. I would have still been too hurt or putting ridiculous expectations on the friendship because it's very clear we are great friends but not particularly well suited for more......


So we were having dinner and he was telling me that it was hard for him to fall in love and love people again after he had been hurt and abandoned so much in his life and he was "incapable of really being in love" as a result.  I was unaware that he was referring mainly to his life post-divorce not from before. Keep in mind he is on again, off again, sort of seeing but not really a woman who I am trying really hard not to judge at the moment ( I promise it's not jealousy, she's just done some manipulative things..but I digress ).

When he told me about this "love" thing I said to him that he really needed to remember by saying this to me he was essentially wiping out ten years of my life.

It was from his answer that I realised that I was not the love of his life or the most significant love of his life. It was his ex-wife. And this is as it should be.

But because I haven't had a significant love since he was my last "it". And I was not his.

What's somewhat difficult to wrap my head around is the fact that despite the prayers and the petitioning God for a husband, it isn't in my future then he could very well be it for me. And I will not be it for him when he looks back on his life. The balance seems off. And a little part of me is sad about that. That I may not be the love of someone's life.

It's a sobering thought.

But anyway, I had a good night. It's not weird at all hanging out with him but we are just not suited for more. He just doesn't make me feel great about myself.

Although what was slightly amusing is that he started to get a little snippy when I told him the story of Random Cute Guy at the Door. "Maybe he wasn't shy, maybe she was just lying to you to make you feel better and he didn't want your number" ( yes, thanks for that, way to go. Boy that reads rude. Huh. ) and then when he busted some uber eye contact with a random gorgeous male passerby and myself - he thought that wasn't right. "But I'm having dinner with you". My response "Yes, but we look like we are friends. And we are. So who cares"

But the band was awesome and he drove me. So all in all a great night ! :D

Any of you guys friends with your ex/ex's? How's that working for you?

xMiss365

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

-244 Isaiah 54

It's been a Ninja with Migraine Sticks sleepy 48hours
I've been reminded lately that God showed me this part of Isaiah not long after The Non Bachelor and I broke up.

I just wanted to share it with you tonight because the Ninja's with their migraine sticks made me sleep all day today and I'm about to head to bed hopefully not going to wake up too fragile tomorrow.

Anyway, will contemplate with you in a couple of days.

xMiss365

1 “Sing, barren woman, 
   you who never bore a child; 
burst into song, shout for joy, 
   you who were never in labor; 
because more are the children of the desolate woman 
   than of her who has a husband,” 
            says the LORD. 
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent, 
   stretch your tent curtains wide, 
   do not hold back; 
lengthen your cords, 
   strengthen your stakes. 
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left; 
   your descendants will dispossess nations 
   and settle in their desolate cities.
 4 “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
   Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
   and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
5 For your Maker is your husband—
   the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
   he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The LORD will call you back
   as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
   only to be rejected,” says your God.
7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
   but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
8 In a surge of anger
   I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
   I will have compassion on you,”
   says the LORD your Redeemer.

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

-247 A tale of a leaky coffee, a white tshirt and a ridiculously good looking guy

Image by Digitalart
So yesterday I drove up the coast to hang out with Crazy Med Student, The Blue Smurf & Hilariously Grumpy Faced Baby for the day. Randomly wanted to get out of Sydney and to just socialise.

Here's what you need to know about my day yesterday ( other than the fact it was nice, I was perhaps a little whiny about being single and feeling a little lonely and lost at the moment, lunch was tasty from the very trendy little cafe they took me to, and Hilariously Grumpy Faced Baby is only slightly grumpy faced now is still very cute ).






* I wore a white t-shirt ( which was dumb and I knew it )
* I spilled coffee on it about 30 minutes into the trip.
* And again at about 45 minutes in
* And for a third time soon after I spilled a lot. *sigh*
* About a half hour before I left a friend of theirs from Church comes over ( they had a Bible study night ) and I open the door to a ridiculously good looking guy.
* I am covered in coffee, make up free, not looking my best. *sigh*
* He was nice. He asked questions.
* I'm not sure of the impression I left ( other than I have no hand to mouth control ) - lol
* And I am somewhat annoyed at Crazy Med Student for not warning me that he was cute. I had make up in my bag!

*sigh*

I'm not sure if he is single. And I don't think he asked about me otherwise I would have heard from Crazy Med Student by now.

But as I was driving home I realised how much work I have to do in terms of working through my "I don't deserve" and "Don't want to make a fool of myself" inner voices.

You see I could tell my friend that this Random Cute Guy at the Door was very cute and to let him know that I thought he was cute. But....

I don't want the humiliation of rejection. I'm still overweight. I'm older etc etc etc.

And I know that this attitude is not going to get me anywhere. I just can't seem to shake it.

What to do ? What to do? I prayed a lot on the way home last night. I really dislike this feeling that my outside feels so worthless that I can't even tell my friend that I thought this guy was cute?

*sigh*

EDIT : Wednesday night I sent Crazy Med Student a Facebook message commenting on something that was happening for her today and then ended with a PS Telling her that next time she wanted me to open the door to a good looking guy like that ( single, married or otherwise ) please give me fair warning to cover up any evidence of my poor hand to mouth control and to put some spack filler in my wrinkles. A gal has her pride. :P

Phew. Done. Told her I thought he was cute without losing face. Done. Thanks God. :)

Thursday, 7 July 2011

-248 A sad week

Image from Healingdream
I've started the first sentence for this post about five or so times and just don't know how to start this post today.

I'm just sad.

On Monday afternoon Marvelous Mum called me to tell me that my 87 year old Grandmother ( Dependable Dad's mum ) had been found by his youngest sister at her home and had possibly had a stroke. She had been taken to a local hospital and wasn't likely that she would make it.

I got down to the hospital and got to see her briefly but still having a respiratory tract infection I didn't want to stay too long. I did get to hold her hand and quietly say a prayer for her in my head. She's never expressed much of a connection with God and despite converting to Catholicism when she married my Grandpop wasn't a Church goer. But I have faith and my prayers would be heard. So I told her that I was there and to rest.

I hung out in a small room with Marvelous Mum, Dependable Dad and three of my five Aunties ( the other two were rapidly in transit  from far flung places in Australia ).

Before we left that night the Hospital had moved her out of Emergency and into a Ward. She had rattled the bars of her bed, asked to be taken to the loo, a drink and for the tube to be taken out of her mouth. Heard her other two daughter's voices on the phone and was visited by a number of her Grandchildren, many of whom I bumped into either coming in our out of elevators or entry doors. The Hospital nurses must've wondered how many were in our family and if we were a cult or something. ;)

I tried to encourage Dependable Dad to stay for a while but he had hope that she was going to pull through although he did know that she probably wouldn't go home again and left very sad about that.

This is the part that is hard.



The next morning at about 7.30am I was woken by a very sad Marvelous Mum telling me that my Nanny had died, mid talking to a Nurse and that Dependable Dad was Devastated Dad. :'(

So it's been such a sad sad week.

And I'm learning a lot about my Nanny as well. Things I never knew about her.

I loved that I was born on her birthday. And even though I shared the privilege of being her grandchild with 20 others I am proud to be part of the legacy she left.

I wish in a lot of ways I could reveal who I am so I could share with you the online memorial link so you could read all the wonderful stories my cousins, Aunties & Uncles and cousins kids  have written about her.

Dependable Dad was telling me today how much he is taking comfort in everyone's memories and finding strength in that.

So the funeral is tomorrow and Rock On Bro & His Better Half 's Engagement Party is on Sunday.

A weekend of contrasts. But a weekend for family.

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

-249 Well....beep....you!!!!

Breathe....it's ok....that isn't aimed at you. Nor did it come out of my mouth.

But I did unfortunately hear it from two different girls last night coming home from work on the train and then walking home and both apparently were talking to their boyfriends/husbands or "Babes" as they so loudly declared as they picked up before the expletives were exchanged.

Now in both instances I was not interested in what the problem in the relationship was that day but I kid you not both of these young women ended their phone calls with the words "Well *%#$ you!" and then they hung up as loudly as their mobile phones could.

Don't you just miss the days where you could slam down the handset of the phone with emphasis?! Lol!

Anyway, as I unlocked the door to my single person abode last night I did start to wonder if all that relationship angst is going to be worth it. Am I going to be able to give up the the flat that I am decorating to my taste ? Cooking or not cooking dinner each night to the demand of my tastebuds ? Reading until all hours and falling asleep while the bedside light is burning brightly and not disturbing anyone ? Not having to negotiate life with and being tempted to end phone calls with an expletive...ok perhaps not....ok maybe a milder version of one and then a fustrated hang up of my mobile phone.

Crumbs. Am I becoming "set in my ways?" And preferring to be single because I like it ?

Oh dear. I'm going to bed. I don't like where this is heading. ;)

xMiss365

Saturday, 25 June 2011

-250 Sorry for MIAness

I really don't know where this week went. And I haven't been pondering my singlenss too hard. Nor have I any Bachelorness to report.

The only thing of interest I did this week was go and see Joshua Radin on Tuesday night which was awesome - 90% of the audience was female - of course and I think I've been trying to catch up on sleep since. ;)

Today I went and visited a couple of friends and their newly minted baby of only a week old. Yet another boy. He doesn't have a hilariously grumpy face but despite this flaw he is gorgeous. Lol.

It's 9.00pm on a Saturday night and I am so tired I am contemplating quite seriously going to bed now.

Perhaps I am coming down with something.

Sigh. That will be fun for my holidays...only 5 more work days and then 2 weeks of glorious sleep ins!

Hurrah!

Sunday, 19 June 2011

-251 A Bachelor Update

Yep. I realise it's been a while.

And there is a reason for that.

I have no news.

Nup.

None.

Bachelor 4 turned out to be barely interested. We are facebook "friends" but despite several opportunities to meet me in person he hasn't chosen to buy tickets to gigs in my state. So we comment on various things on each other's pages every now and then but that's about it.

Next.

Well there is no next.

I'm taking a hiatus from the "mess with my self esteem" that is online dating. Every now and then I'll get a little bored and check in but until I can completely get my outside matching my personality I'm going to continue attracting the wrong kind of guys. And not attracting the kind of guys that I am attracted to.

Well that's how I feel today anyway. I could be back logging in again next week but it's just been a massive waste of time so far.

So that's the Bachelor Update. *sigh*

Either you are nodding your head along with me totally getting where I am at or you are feeling much better about your own pursuits. Well done you if it's the latter.

Still praying for those on The Faith Files anyone else want their name on this list for specific, daily prayer? Anyone got anything good to share or update? :)

xMiss365

Monday, 13 June 2011

-252 True Friendship

Image by Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot
Yesterday I drove a few hours up the coast to visit Crazy Med Student & Blue Smurf to meet their gorgeous two week old creation who shall be called on this blog Hilariously Grumpy Faced Baby until he is no longer a baby an then he may get a new name!

So yesterday was true friendship day. It was looking beyond the words that were being spoken and responding to over a decade of friendship and history in order to understand what was really trying to be communicated. It was knowing who she is and how she has dealt with change up until this point and it was remembering what Bestest Bud needed in the early days of when she has Polly Pocket & Such a Boy. It was buying lunch for the three of us instead of expecting to be fed. It was offering to get her drinks and other items when she was feeding Hilariously Grumpy Faced Baby when it was just the two us as The Blue Smurf had an afternoon shift. It was not planing to stay for more than a few hours if it seemed like she needed to be visitor free but being very aware in the end that she needed me to stay and listen and just be there with her. Not because she couldn't cope on her own but because it was nice to have the company.

And then it was actually listening to her carefully when she told me a story for the second time that day and responding to what she really was saying or wanting to say. I got teary for her and we cried together. And then we laughed and ate some more chocolate. ;)

As I drove home much later than I planned to last night ( in the rain *sigh* I really dislike driving in the rain ) I thanked God with all my heart for the friendship that I do have with Crazy Med Student, The Princess & Bestest Bud because they are truly life long friendships that overcome crazy holiday tension, distance, different relationship statuses and temporary frustrations with each other because when we really need each other it's very obvious that we have each other's back.

Sometimes I just think Bestest Bud & The Princess need reminding of this but I think that's more to do with their leaning towards being more introverted, private personalities than Crazy Med Student and I are. We both seem to share when we are in pain. Somewhat reluctantly due to the perfectionism streak that runs strong in both of us...actually in all four of us...but Bestest Bud & The Princess tend to internalise and retreat when they are in pain. Frustrating creatures ! Lol!

But anyway yesterday even in the midst of all of this I was able to hint at the fact I go to the three of them for my encouragement as pseudo husbands and debunk the myth that I have people trying to set me up with single guys all the time. She has someone in mind and has solid plans for me to meet him when I'm up there next time ! Hurrah !

And I am totally in love with Hilariously Grumpy Faced Baby he is gorgeous and has this fabulous grumpy look on his face pretty much all the time. I like him :)

xMiss365

Monday, 6 June 2011

-253 "GUTS!!!"

I was so excited when I learned that my childhood hero had finally been given life as a movie character. A bit apprehensive that "they" would Hollywood-ize her but glad that she had been given the screen time she so duely deserved.


She was my friend when I was six, seven and eight. I think I borrowed Ramona the Pest from the school and local libraries a ridiculous amount of times before my parents got the hint and started buying the series for me. I loved Ramona. I think she was my first girl crush. Lol.

So this weekend while the Ninjas with their Migraine Sticks (that were larger than usual) hovered and gave me a smackdown - I burrowed down on the lounge and watched Ramona and Beezus. With a big fat grin on my face. What a great movie ! The screenwriters must be around my age and must have loved Ramona too because the care they took to weave in storylines from various books into the one movie was very well done. They didn't make Ramona all ADHD-ish or "Oh shucks isn't she naughty". She was Ramona in all her Ramona-ness. :)



So five ( only five! ) things I loved about Ramona & Beezus

1. I love that Ramona is herself. She is quirky and creative and honest. She loves with her whole heart and she's not afraid to say what she thinks. Including bad words "GUTS!"

2. Mrs Meecham's Mute Button for her class "I am pressing the mute button on you right now" Oh how I LOVE that ! If I ever start teaching back on class again and stop having other teacher's watching me teach I am using that mute button. I used to have the "The number you have dialed is not connected. Please try again later" reply to kids that were calling my name over and over and over and over and over again. But mute is soooo much better ;)

3. She reminds me in looks and her personality of Polly Pocket. I am planning to have her over for a girly afternoon tea in the holidays and we shall watch this movie. I've already given her Beezus and Ramona ( the book ) but I know she will love this movie !

4. Ramona's boing-ing of Susan's curls. "You've been doing that since Kindergarten, it's getting old Ramona" Susan. Love it!

5. I think I caught a glimpse of her red gumboots at the end of the movie. I want red gumboots ;)


Were you a fan of Ramona Quimby ? Or did you have another childhood hero ?

xMiss365

Saturday, 4 June 2011

-254 A Daily Reminder

Photo by Miss365
I bought these letters and frame at the Easter Show earlier in April and have only just put them up. I decided to put it on the back of my front door so that every time I leave my flat I am reminded that I still have to keep my hope.

The Ninjas with their Migraine sticks have been stealthily stalking me this week and have made their presence known today. Thankfully it has just meant that I slept for about 15 hours straight so far, my head has felt like rubbish all day and I haven't wanted to socialise....oh and the insane need to eat carbs from Wednesday night to Friday night *sigh*...but other than that I've had no other horridness so I'm ok. :)

I was invited to join another Christian meet up group by someone who was somewhat annoyed by the other one. As I suspected the organiser of the Harbour Cruise one seems to get kick backs from the venues she books with *sigh*. But this other one seems genuine.

With regards to The Faith Files. Please email me if you would like me to put you on the list ( either publicly or privately ).  I would really love to pray for you :)

xMiss365

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

-255 Encouragement?

Image by Steven Depolo

I've been pondering this for the past few weeks. Who do you go to for encouragement or feedback whether it be to share an achievement or to get some positive words about something you've created or written? Do you have just one or two people that you can go to or do you spread yourself out thinly so not to become a 'needy single' burden on others?

I've noticed a big shift with my close friends lately in the encouragement department and I'm not sure what to make of it or how to compensate for it.

As I've shared previously Bestest Bud and I have been friends for more than 12 years and The Princess & The Crazy Med Student for just over 10. I really value our friendship and have appreciated in the past the fact that we've been able to go for a few months without catching up and then when we do get together we just talk for hours about everything that's important. Over the past few years, with the introduction of Facebook and Skype we've chatted a lot more frequently and thus hung out a fair bit more.

But now all of them are married and most have kids. Their focus, rightly, is elsewhere. There have been a couple of times lately I've shared something I've written ( from another blog that I write for Church ) or something else and while I have received great encouragement from other people, my closest friends have remained silent.

Now it's not like any of them are verbally encouraging people to start with. I did try to give them the heads up though on our holiday over New Years when we were talking about love languages and it came up that mine was 'Words of Affirmation' not 'Gifts' like at least one of them seem to think. I mean gifts are nice and all and just because I give thoughtful gifts to my friends doesn't mean that that's what I need...anyway....

But they used to be a lot better about making sure we encouraged each other and made each other feel valued and special.

I'm wonder if the decline in this is because they are married and seek that encouragement from their husbands now and don't feel they need to seek it from their friends anymore for the most part? Perhaps then 'forgetting' that their lone single friend in this group doesn't have this immediate support living in the same house and is still needing some encouragement every now and then.....I know it's an easy out to 'blame' this on the fact they are married, I mean I could be very likely be annoying the you know what out of them at the moment and they don't wish to comment on my blog post where I kinda opened myself up to world about being single......

Anyway, I am still pondering this one. I'm not losing sleep over it. I think I would like my own 'in house encourager' ( which I know comes with a free set of 'Kick me up the butt sometimes steak knives' ) - lol - but I don't care!

Will have to also write a blog post on hanging out with The Non Bachelor in the next couple of days too. I just don't know how to process it just yet. I'm not sure what God is doing. Restoration I think. But not in that way. In a new way.

Sometimes just writing this blog and getting some feedback in my comments of you all is 'in house' enough - for now ;)

xMiss365

Friday, 27 May 2011

The Faith Files - A new page


Check it out here or in the tabs above. :) Audacious Faith - see Blessed Babe's posts here and  here to learn more about Audacious Faith and what inspired this new page.

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

-256 A kiddy weekend



For someone who doesn't have kids I sure did have a kid friendly weekend.

And I LOVED it!

So it all kicked off on Saturday morning with a 'Donalds ( McDonalds ) part-ay to celebrate the birthday of Such A Boy. Soooo cute.

Then that night I went with Dependable Dad and Marvelous Mum to see Walking with Dinosaurs Live. I have to admit I got a tear in my eye when the Brachiosaurus came out.( I didn't take the video above because I am a good little rule follower and I didn't want to scare the dinos with my technology - no videoing or flash photography. ) :) Anyway as a kid I adored them, my most favourite dinosuar ever. And the "experience" of "seeing" one was just really amazing. :)

Talking to the paries later about the show I said that I kept thinking every time a new dinosaur came out "Well God, if these creatures really did exist in the way Man really thinks that they did, then "Well done! Fabulous job!Love your work!" ;)

And then on Sunday I spent the afternoon with Bestest Bud & The Princess building a bear for the soon to be arriving child of Crazy Med Student & The Blue Smurf. ( Ok, so yes, there was lunch and coffee and other grown up things involved too! )

So what I really should of done was ended it with a Pixar movie. But alas, it didn't even occur to me at the time ! I had such a busy and fun weekend. Such a fun way to celebrate the relief of the end of my studies....for now anyway ;)

xMiss365

Friday, 20 May 2011

-257 Silly me!

I've been quiet because my bottom has been stuck to my dining room chair all week ( when I haven't been at work or sleeping or um needing to use the facilities....) in order to complete MY FINAL EVER MASTERS ASSESSMENT!!!!!

And I just uploaded it about an hour ago ! HURRAH!

I'm slightly delirious with relief ! I just need confirmation that I passed - no more of this nonsense of wanting my matching sets of HDs and Ds. I'll take a C or a P just tell me I'm done !

So why the title of the post ? I remember thinking when I started 3 1/2 years ago that perhaps I would find it hard to study and complete assessments because it might be married or in a relationship. Well that turned out not to be a problem at all ! Lol !

xMiss365

Saturday, 14 May 2011

-258 Inspiration via Procrastination

Attempting to spend a day on my final Masters assessment today ( and tomorrow and for the remaining nights this week I might add ) I've been struggling with my inner need to procrastinate to the very last second and then do my "best" work. Unfortunately I know how huge this assessment is and how very little information has been given in order to complete it. So "Future Mrs365" ( the grown up version of me that lives inside my head and even when I am a Mrs may still never surface as a fully fledged grown up - lol ) in me keeps reminding me somewhat loudly to "Get on with it Missy!"

But on one of my little rebellion trips today on The Dating Website That Shall Not Be Named someone posted a link to this video. And I watched it. Now it's your turn before you read on....
...and I got inspired.

So in desperate need of caffeine-ation I walked to a local cafe and did this....
Photo by Miss365 & some picnik-ing

...read the next section of readings and drank my coffee.

As I was walking home I saw this.....


Miss365 and her iphone
I am so appreciative of the fact that even though I procrastinated a bit today I would never have seen those beautiful colours reflected in that sunset. I would have been shut up in my flat trying to find the motivation to keep going. I had the opportunity to just once again be reminded of the awesome beauty of God's creation and to more importantly thank Him for it. 

So it's time to get back to the assessment. *sigh*

xMiss365

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

-259 Knight in a Shining Mid Sized Car

Photo by Dundee Photographics
Perhaps this is why I am single. After 12 years of having to cope with getting myself in similar situations I am able to cope with them on my own now. Perhaps God feels that I'm equipped to get myself out of my own messes that I don't seem to require my own Knight in a Shining Mid Sized Car and this is why I am single :P

Tonight His Better Half apparently somehow backed her car into a tree at her house and Rock on Bro went racing over to her house to rescue her and to help her fix the problem. He dropped everything ( making his lunch to get up for work at 4am the next morning - it was about 8pm at this point ) to go and rescue her driving over there with his trusty steed mid sized car. ;)

Now just for a bit of compare and contrast I was driving into a work driveway this morning and almost got totalled by a Mother in a BMW reversing at full speed - how she did not see my bright shiny car I have no idea! But lets just say she did ram me - my heightened understanding of nearly all parents outside schools in the morning are rather poor drivers saved me - it would have been me dealing with calling my insurance angency and organising for it to be fixed. And then perhaps letting people know by having some rant on facebook. :P

Ahh the differences between being Single and in your 30s and being In your 20s and engaged. ;)

xMiss365

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