A (somewhat) honest look at what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in her mid 30s in Sydney who wants to remain true to the life that God has planned for her but doesn't want to let go of her dream of being in a relationship again and eventually being a wife and mother

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

-255 Encouragement?

Image by Steven Depolo

I've been pondering this for the past few weeks. Who do you go to for encouragement or feedback whether it be to share an achievement or to get some positive words about something you've created or written? Do you have just one or two people that you can go to or do you spread yourself out thinly so not to become a 'needy single' burden on others?

I've noticed a big shift with my close friends lately in the encouragement department and I'm not sure what to make of it or how to compensate for it.

As I've shared previously Bestest Bud and I have been friends for more than 12 years and The Princess & The Crazy Med Student for just over 10. I really value our friendship and have appreciated in the past the fact that we've been able to go for a few months without catching up and then when we do get together we just talk for hours about everything that's important. Over the past few years, with the introduction of Facebook and Skype we've chatted a lot more frequently and thus hung out a fair bit more.

But now all of them are married and most have kids. Their focus, rightly, is elsewhere. There have been a couple of times lately I've shared something I've written ( from another blog that I write for Church ) or something else and while I have received great encouragement from other people, my closest friends have remained silent.

Now it's not like any of them are verbally encouraging people to start with. I did try to give them the heads up though on our holiday over New Years when we were talking about love languages and it came up that mine was 'Words of Affirmation' not 'Gifts' like at least one of them seem to think. I mean gifts are nice and all and just because I give thoughtful gifts to my friends doesn't mean that that's what I need...anyway....

But they used to be a lot better about making sure we encouraged each other and made each other feel valued and special.

I'm wonder if the decline in this is because they are married and seek that encouragement from their husbands now and don't feel they need to seek it from their friends anymore for the most part? Perhaps then 'forgetting' that their lone single friend in this group doesn't have this immediate support living in the same house and is still needing some encouragement every now and then.....I know it's an easy out to 'blame' this on the fact they are married, I mean I could be very likely be annoying the you know what out of them at the moment and they don't wish to comment on my blog post where I kinda opened myself up to world about being single......

Anyway, I am still pondering this one. I'm not losing sleep over it. I think I would like my own 'in house encourager' ( which I know comes with a free set of 'Kick me up the butt sometimes steak knives' ) - lol - but I don't care!

Will have to also write a blog post on hanging out with The Non Bachelor in the next couple of days too. I just don't know how to process it just yet. I'm not sure what God is doing. Restoration I think. But not in that way. In a new way.

Sometimes just writing this blog and getting some feedback in my comments of you all is 'in house' enough - for now ;)


Friday, 27 May 2011

The Faith Files - A new page

Check it out here or in the tabs above. :) Audacious Faith - see Blessed Babe's posts here and  here to learn more about Audacious Faith and what inspired this new page.

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

-256 A kiddy weekend

For someone who doesn't have kids I sure did have a kid friendly weekend.

And I LOVED it!

So it all kicked off on Saturday morning with a 'Donalds ( McDonalds ) part-ay to celebrate the birthday of Such A Boy. Soooo cute.

Then that night I went with Dependable Dad and Marvelous Mum to see Walking with Dinosaurs Live. I have to admit I got a tear in my eye when the Brachiosaurus came out.( I didn't take the video above because I am a good little rule follower and I didn't want to scare the dinos with my technology - no videoing or flash photography. ) :) Anyway as a kid I adored them, my most favourite dinosuar ever. And the "experience" of "seeing" one was just really amazing. :)

Talking to the paries later about the show I said that I kept thinking every time a new dinosaur came out "Well God, if these creatures really did exist in the way Man really thinks that they did, then "Well done! Fabulous job!Love your work!" ;)

And then on Sunday I spent the afternoon with Bestest Bud & The Princess building a bear for the soon to be arriving child of Crazy Med Student & The Blue Smurf. ( Ok, so yes, there was lunch and coffee and other grown up things involved too! )

So what I really should of done was ended it with a Pixar movie. But alas, it didn't even occur to me at the time ! I had such a busy and fun weekend. Such a fun way to celebrate the relief of the end of my studies....for now anyway ;)


Friday, 20 May 2011

-257 Silly me!

I've been quiet because my bottom has been stuck to my dining room chair all week ( when I haven't been at work or sleeping or um needing to use the facilities....) in order to complete MY FINAL EVER MASTERS ASSESSMENT!!!!!

And I just uploaded it about an hour ago ! HURRAH!

I'm slightly delirious with relief ! I just need confirmation that I passed - no more of this nonsense of wanting my matching sets of HDs and Ds. I'll take a C or a P just tell me I'm done !

So why the title of the post ? I remember thinking when I started 3 1/2 years ago that perhaps I would find it hard to study and complete assessments because it might be married or in a relationship. Well that turned out not to be a problem at all ! Lol !


Saturday, 14 May 2011

-258 Inspiration via Procrastination

Attempting to spend a day on my final Masters assessment today ( and tomorrow and for the remaining nights this week I might add ) I've been struggling with my inner need to procrastinate to the very last second and then do my "best" work. Unfortunately I know how huge this assessment is and how very little information has been given in order to complete it. So "Future Mrs365" ( the grown up version of me that lives inside my head and even when I am a Mrs may still never surface as a fully fledged grown up - lol ) in me keeps reminding me somewhat loudly to "Get on with it Missy!"

But on one of my little rebellion trips today on The Dating Website That Shall Not Be Named someone posted a link to this video. And I watched it. Now it's your turn before you read on....
...and I got inspired.

So in desperate need of caffeine-ation I walked to a local cafe and did this....
Photo by Miss365 & some picnik-ing

...read the next section of readings and drank my coffee.

As I was walking home I saw this.....

Miss365 and her iphone
I am so appreciative of the fact that even though I procrastinated a bit today I would never have seen those beautiful colours reflected in that sunset. I would have been shut up in my flat trying to find the motivation to keep going. I had the opportunity to just once again be reminded of the awesome beauty of God's creation and to more importantly thank Him for it. 

So it's time to get back to the assessment. *sigh*


Tuesday, 10 May 2011

-259 Knight in a Shining Mid Sized Car

Photo by Dundee Photographics
Perhaps this is why I am single. After 12 years of having to cope with getting myself in similar situations I am able to cope with them on my own now. Perhaps God feels that I'm equipped to get myself out of my own messes that I don't seem to require my own Knight in a Shining Mid Sized Car and this is why I am single :P

Tonight His Better Half apparently somehow backed her car into a tree at her house and Rock on Bro went racing over to her house to rescue her and to help her fix the problem. He dropped everything ( making his lunch to get up for work at 4am the next morning - it was about 8pm at this point ) to go and rescue her driving over there with his trusty steed mid sized car. ;)

Now just for a bit of compare and contrast I was driving into a work driveway this morning and almost got totalled by a Mother in a BMW reversing at full speed - how she did not see my bright shiny car I have no idea! But lets just say she did ram me - my heightened understanding of nearly all parents outside schools in the morning are rather poor drivers saved me - it would have been me dealing with calling my insurance angency and organising for it to be fixed. And then perhaps letting people know by having some rant on facebook. :P

Ahh the differences between being Single and in your 30s and being In your 20s and engaged. ;)


Sunday, 8 May 2011

-260 Mother's Day - Good Day/Bad Day

Today was like one of those Sad Face/Happy Face kind of days. There were good bits and bad bits. Parts that made me smile and parts that made me sob. A moment where I felt valued and a few others where I felt out of the loop and shut out. A day where I praised God in the beginning the Church service but by the time I came home I was trying to repent of my attitude and selfishness.

I'm not sure how much to share with you. I did say that this blog was going to be a somewhat honest look at what it was like to be Single & Christian in Sydney. And although I'm not openly stating who I am I am sure that if anyone I know ever stumbled across this blog ( and it's possible if I accidentally leave my blogger editing page open on my ipad or even in the early days of writing I had it bookmarked in Safari on the ipad - no longer! Lol! ) they would know it was me and in some ways know much more about my thoughts and heartaches than they really should.

So lets just say this to preface why I found today so hard. A long, long time ago I lost something that I didn't know that I had until I didn't any longer at a time where my world was falling down around me. It makes not only this time of year a little sad when I remember but also events like today as well. I have been praying for so many years that I would have all of these things again but better because it was God planned and God timed but it hasn't happened. And so I guess I grieve for the idea of what could have been.

This morning started off fine. I knew I wouldn't be seeing my Mum for Mother's Day today as she was visiting family but I would talk to her a little later. I went to Church and we had such an amazingly beautiful time of worship I can't even put into words how thankful I felt to be there.

I had steeled myself for the empathsis on being a Mother and the importance and blessing it was to be one in the sermon and it was a surprise and really wonderful to hear our Pastor's wife  ( Pastor N ) acknowledge carers and teachers as being "Mothers" too. Refreshing.

The women had beautifully arranged High Tea arranged for after the service for all the Mums and Grandmothers in our Church to sit down and be blessed. Before I could make my quick get away - lest not stand out as pretty much the only non Mum or Wife in their 30s - Pastor N grabs me and tells me that I need to come up the back too as I look after kids more than anyone she knows. Holding....back...the...tears....

Still feeling like a fraud though I let myself be distracted by Polly Pocket & Such A Boy and their requests to play with my ipad and to sit with them. So I did for a while. And we had fun.

But then I looked up the back to see all these Mum and Grandmothers talking and sharing together and I felt like I had been excluded from something ( not by these women but in general ) that was special. And then the horrid thoughts of not being "good enough" or "ever being a Mum" and then reminding me what was lost hit me like a tidal wave out of nowhere. And I just had to get out of there.

I drove down the road a bit turned off the engine and just sobbed for about 15 minutes to the point where I almost couldn't breathe. I felt like I had just lost the most important person in the world to me I was being that ridiculous.

So by the time I got home then came the selfish thoughts. The "me me me me me" chorus was in full swing.

And then God smacked me across the side of the head with the reminder that there are so many women out there who want to be Mother's but are infertile ( I have 3 cousins struggling with this issue right now ) or those who have lost their children or grandchildren to either death or divorce. And so many other situations.

But then sadly all of this hasn't stopped the random acts of crying that have occurred today. Again I say ridiculous. And perhaps you will say that I am alright to have these feelings.

And that's why it's been such a weird day of contrasts.

*Insert :) and :( where you see the need ;)


Thursday, 5 May 2011

-261 Singles Harbour Cruise Follow Up...lol

Photo by photostock
So I could not have predicted this. I'm not sure what to make of it. Probably nothing at all really.

Remember the "Christian" singles harbour cruise I went on a few weeks ago ? Yes ? No? Here's the link :)

Well while cruising that day I was talking the organiser and a few others and she was saying that she was going to plan a Salsa dancing night where we could get together, have a few drinks, learn Salsa from an instructor and then go clubbing afterward. I said at the time that it sounded fun but I didn't really think too hard about it.

The organiser has merged her singles groups again ( Christians and just singles between 25-39 ) and organised the night for the end of this month. She keeps sending general emails to everyone telling us how many guys tickets are left ( they are now sold out ) and how many girls tickets are left ( apparently there are 3 left ). Today I got a personal email from her asking me how I was and if I was coming to the Salsa night as some of the others had asked if I had received the email and if I was.

Now I am still a "member" of the Christian meet up group and haven't received any "Hi's" from any of those members so it must have been from the couple of "Christianity unknown" guys I was talking to that day.

I'm not going on the Salsa night anyway - logistics stop me - but it seems, as usual, that I capture the interest more of "Christianity Unknown" guys than "Christianity Declared" guys.

Who'd a thunk it?! ;)



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