A (somewhat) honest look at what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in her mid 30s in Sydney who wants to remain true to the life that God has planned for her but doesn't want to let go of her dream of being in a relationship again and eventually being a wife and mother

Thursday, 27 January 2011

-312 - 301 ( Tuesday 18th - Tuesday 24th January ) Following that still small voice

I've written a draft of my time away volunteering up North with the flood relief but just need to edit it now. Will be up and running tomorrow. I promise. And it's a looooong one too ! :)

* Have also updated -314 15 years ago today

Update**Gaahhhh! I lost it. How?!How?! How?!! *sob* I'm too tired to try to find it tonight.Although on a :) note :D to see Indonesia appear on my stats in the 'audience' section ;) *wave* And no you don't have to *wave* back if you happen to see this before I hopefully find the post I just edited and lost ! ;)

Monday, 17 January 2011

-312 & -311 Freaking out in the natural but my spirit is at peace - go figure! ( Sunday 16th & Monday 17th January 2011 )

Photo by anankkml
So for the past two days I have been entered in that time honoured battle of Self vs Serving with a side order of God holding back on a few details ;)

Basically here it is. Hopefully you've already read my post #9 365 Good Things (if not follow the link and then come back) and so you would know that I am staying with a lady that I don't actually know that opened up her home to anyone who felt lead to help. That would be me. 

Now I did a bit of Googling and immediately found one particular Church that seemed to be doing a fair bit of purposeful, coordinated effort to help with the situation. Time and time again I kept coming back to this particular church. After doing some mapping a little while later I found out their campus was about 20 minutes away from where I would be staying but their 'hubs' were all over the suburbs of Brisbane. Ok, I think I am meant to connect with this Church in some way. Got it God. 

Once I started to look seriously at the public transport situation and realised that it wasn't going to be easy to get around and also a bunch of emails flooded my inbox and facebook warning me that there were more than enough voluneteers up there already etc etc. I started to feel a bit silly and anxious about what I had done. I had already booked flights that I can't really afford ( well, I can but it's taken a fair bit of juggling and no safety net for at least a month ) and not knowing for sure if I would be a help or just floundering around the suburbs of Brisbane - well as you can understand the battle between the still small voice and the clanging loud one ( including mine ) has been rather exhausting. 

So I am in Church yesterday and had only earlier finished sharing this with a friend when I received a message from the lady I am staying with. It turns out that she had only just noticed that I had said that I was feeling like I was meant to connect with this particular church. Well of course - out of all the Churches in Brisbane ( and there are many of many different denominations ) it is her Church. 

I have my confirmation.

But sadly that hasn't stopped the anxiety off and on today. Not knowing is a hard concept. Not knowing the who, what, where, when etc when I have had to be in control at home and at work for so long is a hard concept to grasp. And I am a fairly laid back person. I just feel freaked stepping out in faith like this for such a small thing - I am in my own country ! Where they speak my language ! I would make a shockingly poor missionary !

I'm sure once I am there and I have an opportunity to talk to my new friend and to figure out the best way around I will feel less anxious and it will all fall into place but for now I am just trusting and hoping not to make a fool of myself by going. After all I shared this story with Devoted Dad hoping that he will see God in this and make a decision for Jesus. 

Faithful in the little. :)


-314 15 years ago today ( Friday 14th January 2011 )

Image by Ideas Go
Fifteen years ago today I was a different person. I was scared, angry, empty, lonely, insecure, happy, emotional, manipulative, in love, in hate, a doormat, an emotional wreck. Now I do admit at times I can be all of these things still but not in the all consuming way I was fifteen years ago. The difference? Something that I didn't have. 


And fifteen years ago after picking The Real Ex up from the airport a few days before and seeing him come back from his time away with his Christian Dad a changed person I breathed a huge sigh of relief and although I was scared I went to Church with him that Sunday. Now Marvelous Mum had become a Christian and given her life to Christ about 6 months before and I am ashamed to admit that I gave her a hard time about it. Now in retrospect I realise that it was God tapping me on the shoulder gently reminding me of His existance and telling me that it was my turn soon. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to give up my life and become a 'goody goody'. Lol. 

And so in the car on our way to Church that night The Real Ex told me the parable of the mustard seed ( Matthew 13:31-32, Mark 4:30-34, Luke 13:18-19 ) and just to get my attention (lol) of course the same parable was used in the sermon that night. I know that some people get freaked out when God gets their attention like that but as soon as the altar call began I'm fairly sure my hand up was up and more importantly my heart was ready to ask for and receive forgiveness before anyone else that night ! 

My walk has been slow and steady since. I've had my walks in small deserts and then larger, longer deserts but always my heart knows Him and I haven't strayed too far off the path He has placed before me. 

It hasn't always been easy, particularly watching others who have appeared to have gone their own way and made their own choices and have known ( and know ) the joy of being married and being a parent ( and not just the 'being single stuff' but for the sake of this blog that's what I am mentioning ). But I keep reminding myself every time my thoughts stray in the wrong direction that my walk is my walk and my race is my race and to stay in my lane because if I look at someone else's race too often or make my own shortcut I might just miss a God designed rest stop that is perfect just for me!

So fifteen years ago today my heart had a Jesus sized gap. Now I am complete in Him. And I cannot and nor do I want to imagine a life without Him.


-315 Thai food & Long lazy chats ( Thursday 13th January 2011 )

Photo by Markuso
Tonight I got the chance to have dinner with an amazing woman that I get to not only get to 'do Church with' but also sing with most Sunday's on the worship team. And those weeks where one ( sometimes later I find out both ) of us are away for whatever reason I miss her. I've known her since the first week I started to sing on the team at this Church, about the third week I arrived. Long story. And just in case you are wondering - singing on a worship team after starting in a new Church generally does not happen that fast nor should it - extenuating God circumstances ;)

Tonight we ended up at a local Thai restaurant ( hence the title of the post ) and I got the opportunity to get to know this fabulous friend a little better. I say a little because in true Miss365 current fashion I did most of the talking. And I promise I didn't mean to. And I didn't mean to talk about the work stuff because I didn't want to put her in an awkward situation or compromise her loyalties. Or more importantly change or alter her view on any of our common acquaintances where my work/Church life still crosses over. But I did and I tried to mostly
explain the situations and events rather than just whinge or cry "poor little me". 

So by the time I had finished "blabbing" the restaurant was closing and my friend suggested I come over her place and we continue our chat. I warned her that she would need to kick me out when she had enough or wanted to go to bed because as you know I will choose talking over sleep, eating or almost anything given the opportunity. And I don't "see" hints. I need "Miss365 I'm going to have to kick you out now because it's almost 4 in the morning and I need to go to sleep".

You laugh but I've heard that more than once. ;)

We chatted until about 3am about a huge range of things and I just fell in love with her sparkle, humour and heart even more. And yeah, I fall in love with friends ( in a different way to guys of course ) because once I "fall"  I have this insane sense of loyalty towards those that I do. Actually call me "Anne of Green Gables" - I  understand her search for  "kindred spirits". Some you have for a season, some you ride the waves of life with for years ( twelve and counting for some ).

What I mostly love about my friend is that she's been through something pretty huge in her life for the past couple of years, actually almost as long as I've known her, but that's just part of her puzzle. While she may see herself as different and she's used what she's been though in an awesome way I've always seen her as someone who just radiates the love and joy of God the whole time I've known her. Even when I didn't know what she was going through. I've never seen her as someone who ( and this is not specific to her just a general comment on reactions to people who have been through huge changes in their lives ) is more liked, or less liked, or more popular, or to be avoided, or to be looked after more, or to be left alone more, or to be rescued, or to be felt sorry for, or to be judged as to why they are going through such a hardship or why they aren't coming to Church every week, must be happy every week, or be prayed for all the time, or not at all or.....etc etc etc. She was just her. And I always thought it was horrid that she was going through what she was going through but I was intent on getting to know her "around" what she was going through. And she continued to radiate joy even when she didn't look like she felt it. She did.

And that's what I've wanted to be myself for such a long time - to be a person that has that 'thing' that extra something that people are drawn to that I KNOW is God and that I get to radiate Him. I was worried I lost that for most of last year, it felt buried, out of my control but thankfully God has given me some feedback in the form of a couple of people that I wouldn't have expected who didn't know what I was going through but still saw the love of God through me and in part because of that were drawn back to Him. *sigh* Thank you God. 

So back to my friend. Her alias was going to be about her hair now being curly instead of straight but I've been thinking that is not a reflection of her at all and does not do her justice. 

Tonight my Thai food patient friend shall be called....and it has nothing to do with baked goods....lol....

..because she does. She is covered in glitter ( blessings ) and she is constantly giving away glitter without realising it I'm sure. :)


-318 All Tangled ( Monday 10th January 2011 )

Walt Disney Pictures
Let me just say I love going to the movies with little people ! It means I get to see these kind of movies without feeling slightly odd that I am choosing to do it on my own. 

Now a while ago I took up the challenge to see the movie Tangled on my own in 3D when it came out in Australia. Now I'm really sorry Jeanine but when it comes to choosing to see a movie on my own in 3D or with 3 cute little people ( and their Mum/Aunty ) in 2D well there is no choice really ;)

Other than the absolute beautiful animation, the great storytelling and the heart wrenching desire for a family to be reunited ( the King's tears rolling down his face just about broke me! ) was almost at the end ( in the scary bit ) Mr 2.5 yells ( yep yells ) out "I want Aunty Miss365!" and I got a Judgey cuddle for the remainder of the movie ( and a reason to stop the sobs that were threatening to bubble over ! ) 

What a great movie ! 

I also laugh at the thought of what I must have looked like at one stage later in the Food Court with the three of them all playing Doodle Buddy on my iPhone while I held it and talked to my cousin and her husband and drank a skim Latte ;)

Talented or what?!

Another good good day :)


PS I am now considering seeing Tangled in 3D. Maybe I will complete the challenge after all ;)

Sunday, 16 January 2011

-319 My lightbulb moment ( Sunday 9th January 2011 )

* There will be an updated post here when I get back from Queensland - I want to listen to the sermon again and check my notes to make sure I get the Scriptures correct to support my 'Ah ha!' moment regarding the Sermon on the 2nd January and the vision God gave me about 8 years ago. Just wanted to write this here now so there weren't more posts out of order*



-320 Bands with too many effects pedals & their consequences ( Friday 7th & Saturday 8th January 2011 )

Yep, regular readers ( all 3 of you - lol ! ) will know the meaning of the image to the left. 

Consequences of my big day yesterday ( -321 A really, really ridiculously good day ) and I would hazard a likely guess that what tipped me well and truly over the edge was the sheer volume of the support band last night at the the Cold War Kids gig meant that I was literally wiped out for two days with a migraine.

So not much to report. I slept a lot. I watched some dvds and browsed the web a bit. I don't think I spoke to another human directly during this time though. And I was annoyed that two of my precious holiday days were being taken up in Mirgraine Land. 

But I'm still glad I had Day -321. It was a really, really ridiculously good day ;)


Saturday, 15 January 2011

-313 #9 in 365 Good things ( Saturday 15th January 2011 )

Photo by Suat Eman
#9 It is easier to listen to that still, small voice that has been prompting you to help in Queensland for the past couple of days ( despite being 900km away ) and take grab the opportunity when God gives you instructions to "Go". 

I'm headed to the suburbs of Brisbane on Monday afternoon to volunteer ( not sure with who or what yet ) because a lovely lady that posts regularly on a different Christian Dating Site that has a forum has opened her home to anyone who wants to come up and stay so they can help with the clean up. 

Because I am single and on holidays I was able to book flights and put my hand up for a week of volunteering without feeling guilty that I am neglecting anyone or leaving anyone to fend for themselves. Marvelous Mum said that they would have The Cat Empire again for the duration ( and loan me the flight and food money )  and I will be back to celebrate Australia Day with my friends.

So as you can understand there may not be daily blogs for a while and I will have trouble catching up ( although my idea is that I will be up to date before I leave ). 

God has opened a door and I am going to do what I can to demonstrate His love in a practical way.  And I know it's His will because while my spirit jumped at the opportunity I had that thread of fear and uncertainty too. Out. Of. My. Comfort. Zone. ;)


PS Could you also pray that I don't get any migraines that stop my in my volunteering tracks while I am up there and that I don't get so worn out that I get hit with them when I get home and have trouble getting to work on the Friday ? Thanks :)

Friday, 14 January 2011

-321 A really really ridiculously good day ( Thursday 5th January 2011 )

Homemade cherry mochas.....Strawberry Oreos....Miss Chicago at my home in person....sunshine & swimming in the pool with Miss Chicago, Bestest Bud, Bonsai Master, Polly Pocket & Such a Boy....spicy noodles, honey chicken & dumplings with The Princess & American Boy....Cold War Kids gig....home after midnight....*sigh*..Happiness :)

Miss Chicago came over this morning for a coffee before heading over to spend some time with Bestest Bud and The Crew. So we chatted about our year, fun things but also some things we were both struggling with and could relate to as only single people who live on their own can. Everyone has their challenges, married people, single people with flatmates (yep I remember), people living with family members, those that are divorced or separated and having to navigate the world of dating again while raising their kids. But no one else seems to 'get you' like another who is in a similar situation. So we spent about an hour and a half just talking and sharing and if you've read my post earlier where I've mentioned that my friendship love language is Quality time you would know that the 90minutes meant that we could be slack in our Skyping and emailing in the next few months and it won't mean a thing. Friendship love tank full ;)

So after giving Miss Chicago some time to hang out with The Crew buoyed up on her greeting of "Your so skinny!" when she saw me 'Well no, not skinny yet but I haven't seen her in 6 months and dropping the equivalent weight of a 6 year old child is a bit of a difference!' I headed on over to their place to enjoy lunch, chatting, kid cuddles, Polly Pocket catch up, swimming in the pool which included mermaids, hula hoop swimming through and shark attacks and a whole stack of fun!

After getting in trouble from  Polly Pocket for abandoning her ( in other words leaving her house before she was ready ) I went on home to get ready to head into the inner city to claim my birthday present from The Princess & The American Boy - a ticket to see Cold War Kids ! Yay oh yay!

First we had dinner at a fabulous, yet casual Shanghai style restaurant for dinner. The Princess is an avid reviewer on an eating/restaurant forum type website and gave the place a glowing 8/10 overall. She was impressed. I was impressed. I think The American Boy was impressed ( still waters and all that - lol ). 

Belly full we headed across the road to see the support act for Cold War Kids. All I am going to say is this. Young. Too many effects pedals. Too loud. Therefore do not deserve their amps. ;)

However Cold War Kids were amazing ! I love Nathan Willett's voice and the way he gets down and sings with his mic stand - love. :) It also cracked me up constantly to see Matt Maust ( the guitarist ) get so into playing ( and in the way ) that he kept getting either pushed or booted out of the way by the Bass player. They even played Saint John which went off. Here's someone elses recording from the gig ( no it's not me! )

So I by the time I got home that night it was well after midnight and upon reflection it was a really, really ridiculously good day :)


-322 Hotel for Cats - Back to the blog ( Wednesday 5th January 2011 )

Photo of Fluffy by Miss365

My first full day at home no one to talk to, all on my own just me, myself and The Cat Empire....no..not even The Cat Empire. He was still at Devoted Dad & Marvelous Mum's being given all the love and attention he craves in his little egotistical, wavyhaired, alert little body ;)

So what did I do with my day ?

Oh I went back to my regular holiday routine. Slept in until about 11am, lay in bed and checked all the usual social networking sites & email in bed on the iPad ( new to the holiday routine and let me say that I like it. I like it a lot! Lol ), getting out of bed and having a combo breakfast/lunch that is far too late and lazy to be called brunch and perhaps having an after breakfast/lunch Nanna Nap again ( thanks to The Princess for demonstrating on our holiday away that it was perfectly legitimate to do so ) ;)

So I did leave my 1000 white thread count sheets and doona cover bed eventually. Marvellous Mum did call wanting to know when The Cat Empire was going to leave the 'Hotel for Cats'. Marvellous Mum ( and by default Devoted Dad ) have strays they have adopted.
  • Cornelius ( otherwise known as Mao ) Father who adopted Marvellous Mum by essentially being lazy and plonking himself in her backyard. She fell in love with him because he was placid ( deceived by his lack of inner drive to move and innate laziness ) and after bringing home Girlfriend #1 whom was white, lovely and lame and had to be taken to a local cat protection society. Cornelius/Mao bided his time and then sent Girlfriend #2 and the 2 kids to their doorstep before taking off for a few days before Marvellous Mum could make the connection. Once they were fed and looked like they could 'stay' Cornelius/Mao came back. Marvelous Mum scolded him to no avail.
  • Mother ( no otherwise known as ) obviously loves Cornelius/Mao with blind love as we are convinced he has other families and is a cat bigamist. Current mother of 2 teenagers and 5 kittens.
  • Clifford ( aka Cheeky ) Cheeky teenage boy who landed on doorstep at about 12 weeks old. First one to be desexed. Loves his mum. 
  • Clarabelle ( aka Catgirl aka Clifford depending on who you talk to ) Catgirl ( my name ) Clifford ( Rock on Bro's name before knowing she was a girl ) very skittish. Caused havoc in experienced Vet's office when going to be desexed. Can climb up and stay hovering between blinds and windows with surprising ease. Loves lizards and frogs. Has kitten envy. 
  • The kittens - There are Chairman Mao ( has a white goatee ), Mowhawk ( has a stripe down his/her head), Ugly ( I do not know why and I'm not sure who named him/her ), Fluffy ( this cat is hilarious. He looks like his fur is constantly plauged with static electricity. And he is fairly ridiculous ) & Devoted Dad's little mate ( loves his tummy rubbed, coming inside the house etc ).
So in the not too distant future the kittens are being taken to a Cat Society place that finds homes for kittens and proclaimed they do not enthanise. Marvellous Mum has decided to keep Fluffy ( or at least one kitten ). I think I have convinced her to keep Devoted Dad's little mate too.

I am a bad influence ;)

So yes back to the blog ( amazing where these posts can go sometimes ! ) I did pick up The Cat Empire that afternoon and caught up with the Paries ( short for Parents ) and by the time I came home it was evening and I had a very exciting day to look forward to and some flat cleaning up to do.

Yay! My first quiet day at home after holiday away survived ! Go me!


Wednesday, 12 January 2011

-316 Photo updates - Wednesday 12th January 2011

I will get back to regular blogging soon. But it just seems irrelevant to muse about my lack of love life or various theories when there are much bigger things going on in my country. Thought I'd just share some photos tonight. The Brisbane river is predicted to peak tomorrow morning with up to 22 000 homes to be effected. Up to. Brisbane has an approximate population of about 2 million. If you feel led to here is the official flood relief appeal website. http://www.qld.gov.au/floods/donate.html.

Here's a link to the current flood map. http://www.google.com/crisisresponse/queensland_floods.html#map


A view of Brisbane CBD. Not usually under water. 
12th January 2011

Suncorp Stadium at about 3pm this afternoon. 

In a Brisbane suburb.

Sandbagging in the middle of the night
Gotta love the Aussie spirit of mateship even with the wildlife - a frog catches a ride with a snake. :)

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

-317 Please Pray - An emergency side post ( Tuesday 11th January, 2011 )

Dear Readers,

For those of you who experienced or knew of those who got hit with the Nashville, TN floods in May 2010 you may feel some compassion for what is happening in South East Queensland, Australia at the moment. 

Twelve days ago Rockhampton was hit with flood waters and the people of this country are rallying to pick up the pieces. Thank you President Obama for your support but even you may have spoken too soon....

Yesterday almost without warning what is being described as an inland Tsunami wave of flood water barrelled down the streets of Toowoomba. Current death toll is 9 but there are over 60 people current missing. I've linked a complilation video below but be aware Aussies tend to deal with disaster and shock by either making light of the situation or seeing the humour in in first.

More rain today and more rain to come and nowhere for the water to go means that the suburbs of Brisbane ( the capital city of Queensland and is a CBD) is now under threat and the water level is rising rapidly. The city is being evacuated and there has never been anything like this in history. There are even country towns that are now literally islands with no way in or out. There has been little else on TV and other towns in Queensland such as Dalby are bracing for a second wave of flooding only after being hit with the first in two weeks. 

One of the saddest things I've heard today was the family which included small children were spotted by helicopter taking refuge on their car and by the time the SES ( rescue service ) were able to get to them they had be swept away. :(

Keep in mind that so many of these towns are farming towns and have been in drought for most of the past decade. To have this happen is just devastating. And while the people of SE Queensland are battling the rain over the otherside of the country in Perth, Western Australia are fighting off out of control temperatures and bushfires. 

Interesting start to 2011. Dead seagulls & birds here too. God trying to get our attention ? He has mine. I can't stop crying and praying today.

If you feel led to, please pray for the people of Queensland that God's grace and mercy will be shown in new and obvious ways to those that do know and love Him and those that don't know Him yet. And for the rain to ease and the flood waters to ease and for the loss of life to be minimised. 

A sad Miss 365

Monday, 10 January 2011

-323 Back to reality ( Tuesday 4th January 2011 )

Photo by nuttakit
*sigh* Holiday over. We had to lock up and be out of The Holiday House by 10am  but I knew that going straight home would be hard for me after having five straight days of company. Going home to an empty flat is always difficult for me after being with people after long stretches of time like this so I've worked out ways of distracting myself. 

On the way home, after saying goodbye to Bestest Bud, Bonsai Master and Such A Boy - who thought that he would see me in a few minutes, I drove down the coast a half hour and stopped off at a large shopping centre to indulge in some retail therapy. As you do ;)

I had fun shopping, eating lunch and was tempted to see a movie but was aware of hitting peak hour traffic if I left it too late that by the time I ended up putting my key in the door it was about 6pm that night. 

And it was ok. I had enough to do that night to not feel "alone" and missing the lazy, lounge bodies that were sitting ducks for random chats. ;) After four years of living solo it took me about 2 of them to work out that after I've spent holiday time, or camp time with people that I need to plan to do something fun or distracting afterwards or I'm prone to hit the singleton loneliness blues pretty hard. I co-lead a camp for teens with disabilities each year with Bestest Bud & Bonsai Master and last year I got smart and booked a trip leaving the day I got home to visit Miss Chicago for five days ( this was after already spending 10 days in New York & Pittsburgh for the Wedding of the Year - that was an awesome month ! ). 

I think I've worked out a bunch more strategies for coping with the downsides to being single or even just living solo than I've realised. Pity I had to though :P

-323 Pelicans in Chicago? ( Monday 3rd January 2011 )

Well no. ;)

This morning The Holiday House felt a little empty. The Blue Smurf had left to go to work on Friday night, The Crazy Med Student had left on Saturday night to work on Sunday morning ( that was my surprise when I didn't realise that she wasn't coming back for the remainder of the holiday ) and then early this morning The Princess & The American Boy left early to attend a brunch being held for overseas friends that they wouldn't see for a long time. 

So it was just myself, Bestest Bud, Bonsai Master & Such A Boy ( Polly Pocket was with her Grandparents for the duration of the holiday as her cousins were visiting ). I think we had our fill of lazing around and the weather definately wasn't consistent beach weather so we hopped in the car at about lunch time and headed down the coast a bit to see some Pelican feeding and have lunch ( and ice cream & then dinner..again I digress ) ;)

It was while we were watching Such A Boy have fun on the Merry Go Round on the waterfront that Miss Chicago rang and confirmed our catch up plans for Thursday. Yay! I was so looking forward to seeing her and catching up with her before we met at Bestest Bud/Bonsai Master's place so she could also see them & the kids ( I'd already decided that I would give her time on her own to catch up with them before I went over there to be fair). Being able to talk to her about my life freely ( even for an hour ) was something exciting to look forward to. And it wasn't just the 'single person who gets it' aspect either ( even though she does ). It was the fact although she knew all the work people & issues she was far enough away from it for me to feel free enough to 'breathe' around her or just not compromise her loyalties in a big way like I do with half the world most of the time ( if that makes any sense - probably not ! Lol ! )

So I wasn't prepared for the wave of sadness that washed over me when Such A Boy and I were watching the Pelican's coming in for their trained feed on the waterfront. I looked around at one point and saw all the holiday couples with their kids of varying ages and while Such A Boy decided that he wanted to hug and hang with me for the duration of the Pelican feeding - he is not mine and for a bit I felt selfishly sad that I still didn't have that family of my own that I have always wanted. 

I tried to listen to that still, small voice. And while God didn't say or do anything in particular at that moment, that wave of sadness did pass when Such A Boy said something funny about the Pelicans in his own special way and I just let it go and enjoyed the rest of my day. As you do.

As I will keep on doing because it's only a small part of my life in the big picture. And honestly I am blessed to have those lovely moments with Such A Boy ( and Polly Pocket ) because they love me and I am Aunty "Miss365". And if I keep my hope then maybe I will be one of those couples one day with the kids watching some Pelicans responding like Pavlovs dogs to a specific feeding time to entertain the holiday masses ;)


Sunday, 9 January 2011

-324 Purposed to be at this place at this time ( Sunday 2nd January 2011 )

Photo by nuttakit
Today I was reminded that there are times when God purposes you to be at a certain place at a particular time to hear His voice. 

I knew weeks ago that I was going to make the 2 hour drive down the coast to lead the singing at Church this morning as I was literally the only singer who was able to do it who wasn't on holiday ridiculously far away. Our Pastor had already arranged for someone else who doesn't regularly attend our Church but has ties to it  the week before ( Boxing Day ) to come and lead ( he also plays guitar ) so he couldn't really do it again. So it was me. I could have said no but long story short I felt that God was giving me an opportunity to do something that He has gifted me to do  ( that I haven't done in Church for adults in such a long time ) on a week where there wouldn't necessarily be a lot of people. 

I had spoken to our guitarist and keyboard player the week before about songs and we were all set to go with another singer and a drummer. The day I left for my holiday the singer fell ill and let me know that she wouldn't be able to sing. 'Ok. No problems. Just myself, the drummer, the guitarist and the keyboard player. Go us !'

So Saturday night I snaffle myself a bed for the first time 'Mmmm bed good' set my iphone for the first time in 2011 'Anyone see a problem here?' and get ready to get up at 6.30am.

Yep. So 6.30am I am looking at my iphone and the alarm did not go off. '6.31am... 6.32am...Hmm.Ok.Better get up and get caffeineated' I was out of the Holiday House by just after 7am and in Church ready for a 9am practice. The Pastor was upstairs praying and by 9.20am I was getting a little concerned that there was no guitarist or keyboard player. A few minutes later the singer/guitarist who lead the week previously runs in apologising for being late. Turns out the guitarist had extended his holiday and my Pastor looking after me had arranged for a replacement. So when the keyboard player didn't show up ( I now know the reason why - it's all good ) we decided to change some of the songs, change the key and share the vocals. And then the drummer rocked up a little while later and told us about the iphone/lack of alarm working issue. Ahhhh!

And I was comfortable leading in a way that I haven't been in a long time.Not since I used to lead with The Guy I Used To DIG or The Real Ex. Not that I like this guitarist in that way ( he's a youngin' - a real youngin' ) but I did like song leading with him. It's nice when you song lead with someone who has an instrument when you do not. But anyway that's only part of the story of why I felt God had purposed me there on that particular Sunday rather than sleeping at The Holiday House with everyone else ;)

So my Pastor's New Year message in part was on not letting go of the visions that you know that He has placed within you even when they have not yet come to pass ( and you think that they never will - see Hope Post  ). And of course I started to fuss with my ring finger on my left hand 'Why does it always come back to that?! Why can't I just be content with what I have or want something else?' ( But other than salvation for my family I want for nothing else in my personal life really ) 

Highlighted in my Bible now is the following ;

Then the Lord answered me and said;
'Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.
Behold the proud,
His soul is not upright in him;
But the just shall live by his faith.

Habakkuk 2:2

And yes I went down for prayer after the sermon and thankfully the singer/guitarist ( can I call him The Aussie Idol Wild Card ? Lol. I'm sure he would hate that name if he were ever to read this blog ! ) did what he does best and I didn't reveal what I was requiring prayer over ( so not to get those prayer answers of those that love me rather than the God answers ) and while I didn't get much more of an answer other than " Wait for it, for it will surely come"  ( not in those exact words mind ). I did leave the service that morning with a smile on my face and bounce in my step. I felt purposed to be at that service that morning. 

So on the drive home I simply asked God to give me an opportunity for Him to reveal Himself and His will more to me in the coming week regarding this scripture ( it wasn't the only one that the Pastor had used by the way but it was the one that spoke to me the loudest ). And to listen to the still, small voice rather than the loud ones. Because just a mere day later I had almost forgotten. *sigh* 'Still, small voice. Still, small voice....'

It took another week but I think I know what I'm supposed to do. I'll just have to catch up on my posts to tell you all about it ;)


Friday, 7 January 2011

-325 What does God want for me in 2011? ( 1st January 2011 )

Photo by Arvind Balaraman
For so many years I really had only two new years resolutions ( even though I swore that I wouldn't make any! )
  1. Lose weight 
  2. Not be single anymore
Well I number one for the first time in years (while not completed) is about halfway done and a work in progress thanks to the migraine diagnosis and a bit of self discipline.

But alas Number 2 - well you wouldn't be reading this Blog if #2 wasn't still an issue ;) 

So I got to thinking while hanging out solo for a while at the lake on New Years Day what if I stopped with what I wanted for 2011 and listened to what God wanted for me in 2011? 

And so I prayed. And I asked God for a word, a leading, an inkling. 


Just the irritating sound of cicadas ;)

Hmmm. I know better than this. God doesn't work to my demands. So I picked up my magazine and began to read and thought that I'd continue this train of thought some other night. 

'Be still and know that I am God' Psalm 46:10

And there it was. In the lull of the cicada noise was that still, small voice that I think I have ignored for much of 2010, hence part of the reason for feeling like I had a somewhat horrid year. I haven't listened to that still voice, I haven't been still enough to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit.  That's all I need to know for 2011. 


-326 New Years Eve - Hurrah !

Photo by photouten

New Years Eve started off quiet. It's amazing how one night can come with all sorts of expectations of "fun" and "merriment" when really it's just another day and the pressure to do something a little more out there or special is a bit silly really. 

I did say in my post yesterday ( -327 Keep Calm and Carry On ) that I was taken by surprise at the fact that The Crazy Med Student was leaving earlier than I expected but after a good nights sleep, a bit of prayer I woke up and decided to make the most of the time we had together. 

We didn't do much during the day. A lot of being lazy, talking, reading magazines, watching cable tv ( which none of us have at home ) and then some of us going out for supplies and lunch before ending up having a quiet night in. 

What I loved about the night was when I asked someone what the highlight of 2010 was and it started a chain of shared memories, laughter and teasing and some good natured mocking that I love most about our friendships. 

When it was my turn to answer what the hightlight of my year was I didn't want to be a downer but so I said honestly that the trip to New York for the 'Wedding of the Year' ( The Princess & The American Boy ) was my highlight. When they pressed me further I did say though that I was hanging for 2010 to be over and I really wanted 2011 to be different. They reminded me that I finally had a migraine diagnosis ( yes I am thankful ) and that Bachelor #4 and I are building a good friendship. But yes I am quite certain that 2010 was not a year that I will look back on with fondness. God taught me and drew me to Him in ways I never would have expected and I am thankful to Him for that but He knows I am happy to see the back of 2011. 

And for most people that I've spoken to so far this year and late last year, they either thought 2010 was the best year for them ever ( marriage, babies etc ) or they would rather see the back of it ( death, illness etc ). Hardly anyone I spoke to had a "meh" year in 2010. 

My one down of the evening though did come at about 11.30pm when we were all upstairs and the topic of conversation was about marriage, weddings, children and being pregnant for the past half hour or so. I could feel the sob start to rise in my chest so I carefully and quietly got up and went downstairs, went out the back and just sat there and prayed while the tears of a single, lonely chick who would really like 2011 to be the year the single drought ends just poured down my face.

But the the blessing was that as quick as it came it went away too so by the time I came back upstairs the conversation topic had changed to other things and I had composed myself enough for no one to really notice. Not that night anyway ;)

So I hope your NY eve was great and special or that you got a solid night's sleep and the yahooing did not wake your slumber if you chose to sleep through the clock ticking over. 

And what was with that iphone alarm not working anyway ? ;)


Thursday, 6 January 2011

A non counting post - an explanation of what is to come....

Photo by Simon Howden
So well, yes I am a bit behind in my blogging. I had every intention of posting each night before I went to bed while I was away ( and I did the first night ) but I didn't count on the signal being patchy up at the Holiday House or the fact for the first few nights I slept on a sofa bed in a communal area and ended up sleeping only when everyone else decided to go to bed. I also enjoyed the fact that there were other people around so much that sitting down and writing something insightful ( in private and away from the others so not to reveal my secret identity ! ) was not appealing as the lazy bodies reading magazines or watching TV that were free game for a chat. ;)

Hence almost a week of non blogging went by - whoops. I did half write posts in my head as I went about my day which was kind of odd and strange. I missed writing and however many of you actually read this thing other than me. 

It may take a day or so to catch up on the week that has just passed and today I am catching up a little more with Miss Chicago ( *wave!* ) and then catching a band tonight with The Princess & American Boy so depending on how I feel when I get home you may read about New Years Eve and our exciting times ( lol ) a little later. 

Hope you all had a wonderful start to 2011. I did have a bit of down time and got to catch up on your blog posts and discover some new blogs - I'm loving feeling more connected to those of you in similar situations out there in God's big, wide world. :) 



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