-292 Singleton Community

Photo by renjith krishnan

Just a short post tonight as I've been spending my Friday night following links and discovering a whole bunch of new blogs to read. Some are from other Christian Single Females and others are Christian Marrieds and others are Singles out there in the big wide world all of us pondering similar issues. Some things I've read tonight made me laugh really loudly and others made me tear up but there were so many common threads.

So many of us are trying to find that balance of wanting to love the benefits of being single while still not becoming bitter and giving up on the idea of relationships and marriage. 

I wonder how many of these blogs will cease to exist in six months or a years time because the writers have either found 'the one' or become so disenchanted that even blogging and the single community that comes from blogging about it isn't enough anymore. 

Only time will tell.

xMiss365

-293 My List or The List or What do you have on your list? ( Thursday 24th February, 2011 )

"So what's on YOUR LIST Miss 365? You know if you write a list of everything you want in a man and pray about it then God will give you that man and you'll live happily ever after....I wrote a list and I got everything on my list and now we live so happy together"

Blerg.

Sorry if I sound bitter. I'm not. I just hate that 'Write a list and that's how God will introduce you to the man you will wed" mentality. 

And yes, I have written lists over the years and so have some of my friends. From memory I think I've only read Bestest Bud's list and despite her's being somewhat lengthy it was character based rather than physicality based. Oh, and yes Bonsai Master did fit her list - although true to God form not in the way you would have pictured him - at all. Lol. 

I've come across a few of these lists over the past few weeks when doing some decluttering and while some of them made me laugh because I obviously wrote them mid crush - they did have a few things in common. So perhaps I do still have an 'inner list' which I guess isn't a bad thing. 

So after a little reflection and listening to that 'still small voice of God' basically my list is....

• A man after God's own heart
• A man who loves me and wants to create an incredible life with me
• A man whose face lights up when I walk into a room
• A man who has a destiny and purpose and who wants to make a difference & loves the same in me
• A man who gives good hugs and has a kissable face ( kissable face has nothing to do with looks but that I am attracted to him because of who he is )
• A man that wants to have a  good home, work, church, fun balance in his life
• A man who is steady but can be somewhat flexible and spontaneous too ( he'll need to be in order to cope with me ! )
• A man that I can have fun with, laugh with and while be my 'best friend' still get that I need my girlfriends ( because he'll understand that I need to talk shoes, analyze relationships and work goings on etc and it will be in his best interests ! Lol )
• A man that wants kids, would like to try to have kids, but won't walk away if we can't have kids. 

Now while not necessarily on my 'list' as such I would really like it if we had music, similar taste in comedy and traveling in common. But it would be excellent if we had a whole range of other differences as well -  like if he was better with money than I was (but not a total scrooge!), not a teacher ( boring! I know far too many teachers already - I need variety! ) and is accepting of people and where they are at. 


So that's my list really and sits in the back of my head only to pop up every now and then and remind me of it's existence. I don't think it's unrealistic and I'm not actively seeking the points on the list like a checklist every time I meet someone. For me I believe it's more a way of keeping my heart guarded and a reminder of what I really am seeking rather than if I am just settling out of loneliness. 


Ok, my regular commenters or commenter :).... and those of you that lurk - out yourself and comment on this one ! Be kind though ! This is after all from my heart and I bruise easily you know ! ;)


xMiss365

-337 Hope

Photo by Sharron Goodyear

I'm not going to give up hope that I'll get married. I'm not going to let discouragement define me or disappointment rule my view for the future. Sure my biological clock is clicking down more towards the end of it's peak time to have babies than at the beginning but God does have a plan for my life and I still have that desire to share my heart and my life with a man who loves me. So I choose to let hope define me. 

Many years ago I was praying and fasting and had a vision of a man putting a wedding ring on my finger. I was naive in the fact that at the time ( it was only maybe a year after The Real Ex and I had broken up and I was nagivating my first real post break up crush with The Guy I Used To DIG ) that I would be married soon ( HA! A decade later and my left hand is bare ! ) but every now and then I still feel how his hands felt in mine as he put that ring on my finger. Maybe it's just my active imagination but I am choosing to believe that it's God's way of reminding me from time to time not to give up hope. 

And I've considered the possibility that this may never come to pass, that I may never in reality in this world feel those hands in mine, carefully and lovingly slipping that ring onto my finger. Will I lose my faith in God? Will I turn my back on Him and pass up my salvation ? Will I choose to walk away from the calling He has on my life?

No. I would not. While I desire a husband and the children and family that comes with it (hopefully) it's not all that I desire in life. It's just a part of it. It doesn't define my relationship with my Creator, Saviour, Father, Redeemer. 

And while last night I reached the end of my ability to deal with the reality of being single at the age of 36 I didn't wrap my hope up in paper and throw it away with the rubbish this morning either. 

xMiss365

-351 So not an introvert

Photo by Pixomar

But wishing I was. I'm not an over the top extrovert but I will choose a conversation over just about anything and tonight am sick of my own company. 

In two weeks I have 5 weeks of holidays coming up and I am looking forward to spending 5 of those days at a holiday house with my close friends, seeing Miss Chicago but the rest of the time may be spent in my own company. And in a lot of ways I am desperate for the time away from work but dreading the fact that holidays  highlight the fact that I am single. Sure there will be random, scattered coffee and lunches but now that my friends have kids and husbands ( and work commitments ) those times are few and far between.

Too much time spent alone messes with my head. Which is something I've known since my mid twenties and wonder why God has me in this season. I really hope it doesn't go on forever. 

Can you tell I am feeling the single person blues deeply tonight? I think I need to get a good nights rest and hopefully let the sunshine wake me up with a shade of aqua in the morning ;)

Goodnight !

xMiss365

-365 So what's a single gal to do?

Photo by Chris Sharp

"To the unmarried and widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am" 1 Corinthians 7:8

But what makes this verse even harder to work around as a single Christian gal ( and one that has been single for quite a while btw ) is that it isn't a single ( no pun intended..ok perhaps a very small one  )  verse in a Chapter on singleness. Or even a paragraph. It's helpfully in a Chapter on marriage and the very next verse states.....

"But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 7:9

Fabulous. But how does it work in 2010 when exercising self control is a lot more intense than exercising self control than in 1010, the population has grown but the Christian community (sadly) has over time diversified into other gods, religions and disbelief and you get to the age as a single Christian woman living in Sydney feeling like the choice of being married has been taken away from you for many different reasons ?

I was talking to Miss Chicago last night ( pretty much the last single friend I have left actually and she is a good 8 years younger than I am *sigh* ) about how I celebrated my birthday the day before yesterday and I admitted that I actually spent it alone that night. Now I had organised to do something nice the next day with a whole bunch of women/chicks who are all wonderful family members and friends & little people and pretty much every other year since my last relationship ended I've spent the night at my parents place where Marvelous Mum has made me my favourite dinner. But since I had the Saturday event planned, Friday night was just me. So I ordered some nice Thai food, bought a cupcake and a candle and blew it out after saying a heartfelt prayer to God that this be the year that I meet someone or that He take away the heart yearning, sob inducing desire to have a husband and kids.

I've been reading and been inspired by a few other people's blogs recently and after to talking to my friend last night I started to wonder if I had something to offer here to the 'blogosphere'. So here I am trying to find inspiration in this season in my life ( that is seemingly going on forever ) and staying faithful and trusting God but wanting to be honest too about what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in Sydney in 2010. 

Hence this blog. You'll get to know more about me as we count down the 365 days, my online and hopefully offline dating adventures ( and I shake my head as I write this as there have been some doozies ), some of my dreams but hopefully the good, bad, tissue grabbing, independent adventures and just boring Friday nights just me and the remote. If you've worked out who Miss365 is - please don't feel bad for me or out me ( for now anyway ) just add me to your prayer list that I get my hearts desire or He gently helps me alter that desire so that I don't want it anymore. 

See you on Day -364

xMiss365