|Photo by Sharron Goodyear|
I'm not going to give up hope that I'll get married. I'm not going to let discouragement define me or disappointment rule my view for the future. Sure my biological clock is clicking down more towards the end of it's peak time to have babies than at the beginning but God does have a plan for my life and I still have that desire to share my heart and my life with a man who loves me. So I choose to let hope define me.
Many years ago I was praying and fasting and had a vision of a man putting a wedding ring on my finger. I was naive in the fact that at the time ( it was only maybe a year after The Real Ex and I had broken up and I was nagivating my first real post break up crush with The Guy I Used To DIG ) that I would be married soon ( HA! A decade later and my left hand is bare ! ) but every now and then I still feel how his hands felt in mine as he put that ring on my finger. Maybe it's just my active imagination but I am choosing to believe that it's God's way of reminding me from time to time not to give up hope.
And I've considered the possibility that this may never come to pass, that I may never in reality in this world feel those hands in mine, carefully and lovingly slipping that ring onto my finger. Will I lose my faith in God? Will I turn my back on Him and pass up my salvation ? Will I choose to walk away from the calling He has on my life?
No. I would not. While I desire a husband and the children and family that comes with it (hopefully) it's not all that I desire in life. It's just a part of it. It doesn't define my relationship with my Creator, Saviour, Father, Redeemer.
And while last night I reached the end of my ability to deal with the reality of being single at the age of 36 I didn't wrap my hope up in paper and throw it away with the rubbish this morning either.