I wrote this on a dating site forum the other day ( I have since removed it ) which will explain where my head is at with regards to our relationship and how I can look at him now and not want anything more.
So we were having dinner and he was telling me that it was hard for him to fall in love and love people again after he had been hurt and abandoned so much in his life and he was "incapable of really being in love" as a result. I was unaware that he was referring mainly to his life post-divorce not from before. Keep in mind he is on again, off again, sort of seeing but not really a woman who I am trying really hard not to judge at the moment ( I promise it's not jealousy, she's just done some manipulative things..but I digress ).
When he told me about this "love" thing I said to him that he really needed to remember by saying this to me he was essentially wiping out ten years of my life.
It was from his answer that I realised that I was not the love of his life or the most significant love of his life. It was his ex-wife. And this is as it should be.
But because I haven't had a significant love since he was my last "it". And I was not his.
What's somewhat difficult to wrap my head around is the fact that despite the prayers and the petitioning God for a husband, it isn't in my future then he could very well be it for me. And I will not be it for him when he looks back on his life. The balance seems off. And a little part of me is sad about that. That I may not be the love of someone's life.
It's a sobering thought.
But anyway, I had a good night. It's not weird at all hanging out with him but we are just not suited for more. He just doesn't make me feel great about myself.
Although what was slightly amusing is that he started to get a little snippy when I told him the story of Random Cute Guy at the Door. "Maybe he wasn't shy, maybe she was just lying to you to make you feel better and he didn't want your number" ( yes, thanks for that, way to go. Boy that reads rude. Huh. ) and then when he busted some uber eye contact with a random gorgeous male passerby and myself - he thought that wasn't right. "But I'm having dinner with you". My response "Yes, but we look like we are friends. And we are. So who cares"
But the band was awesome and he drove me. So all in all a great night ! :D
Any of you guys friends with your ex/ex's? How's that working for you?