...well it wasn't sad or horrible. It didn't feel like a break up. And you gave me an opportunity to practice a skill don't extend often enough. But *sigh* all the same because for at least for the first month of us chatting and emailing every day, despite me being on my guard with my personal information and yes perhaps in retrospect just a little too guarded - but who can tell when you are just words on a screen and a photo ( and not even a proper face view photo - but that's another issue altogether ) despite myself I shared with my friends the fact I was talking with you. And that it brought a smile to my face.
But then your emails became short and lacking in the question mark department. I knew that your studies were taking up a lot of your time so I made allowances for you. However, it then became quite obvious that your interest in getting to know me had decreased dramatically and I ( being the single gal that I am ) quickly looked through the saved messages and chats to look for a sign or a reason and found none.
I had been laid down in green pastures ( Psalm 23 ) recently and God had been teaching me in amongst the resting to speak up when I am not sure why someone has pulled away or changed the status of a friendship or relationship.
Let's pause a minute.
He wants me to what?!!! Ask him why the communication has slowed down ? Essentially to encourage him to reject me ? To change the status quo ? ( Ok, to be out of denial that things had changed?! ) Gah!
So Bachelor #1 you got my carefully worded email. And then you Instant messaged me as I was writing it which made me rush the ending somewhat. I thought ( silly me ! ) that we would continue IMing and maybe discuss it a bit ( eeek! ) but you then disappeared. Not just mid conversation but for a week. My email wasn't that confronting was it?!
Apparently it was ( to you anyway - not to the couple of people I showed in panic, remember I don't do this kind of stuff so I have no idea how to ask someone why they have slowed down the emailing and if they are still interested in continuing ) because you changed your profile on the website where we first 'met'. It appears you took my wondering if you still were interested and letting you know if you "meet" someone else you want to get to know better don't be to weirded out to let me know as someone who doesn't trust her man, or trust God or His plan and wisdom etc.
Ok, so I gave it just on a week for you to reply to my email. Or my offline IM. Still nothing. Really? And hey, now I have my out.
But God started to gently poke me again so I wrote another carefully worded email asking for a reply, explaining that while I will respond to other requests for chats and emails from other Bachelors I am the type of person who only likes to persue one potential interest at a time etc. And...send. :)
So thank you for your reply Bachelor #1 I am happy to chat to you to but I discovered after our IM last night (after you replied to my email that you weren't really interested in getting to know me any further ) that my interest in getting to know you has decreased dramatically now that I know you aren't interested in getting to know me. I have no idea why you initiated the chat in the first place tonight (guilt perhaps?) but I sincerely thank you for providing me with the opportunity to be a little direct when there the opportunity for rejection.
So Bachelor #2 hurry up and get over your jet lag and contact me so we can have that coffee and Bachelor #3 I am going to have to work out a whole new plan of how to get to know you as we have to work around your 'label' but you are right - you are worth getting to know ;)