A (somewhat) honest look at what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in her mid 30s in Sydney who wants to remain true to the life that God has planned for her but doesn't want to let go of her dream of being in a relationship again and eventually being a wife and mother

Monday, 22 November 2010


So what is a SASFAR?

Single And Single For A Reason.

Now there are many reasons why someone might get to my age and still be unmarried and single. Sometimes it may be because they have spent many years waiting for a particular man to wake up and realise what was under his nose the whole time and been left crying into their pillow when he's gone and married another. Or it could be because in their twenties they thought that the stream of male attention would never end and the tap would never stop running until one day it did. Or perhaps the reason could simply be that they are painfully shy and find it hard to converse with the opposite sex and have never learned how to make that connection go any further.

And then there are the reasons that we as women sometimes perceive as being the reasons like being not pretty enough, or smart enough, or thin enough, or blonde enough, or brunette enough, or submissive enough or witty enough, or Proverbs 31 womanish enough  or whatever enough......

.....on and on and on.

So if you are me and you are in your mid thirties and single ( and haven't been kissed I might add ) for over a decade, in a career where men are scarce, a Church that is not full of single, available men of similar marriageable age, not in a social group of friends that are either in a similar situation or lovingly, carefully and wisely introduce you to single, available men of marriagable age that you have something in common with other than "He's single, Christian and about your age" ( wait for an upcoming post on that one! ) what do you do ?

Online Christian dating.

Now before I start my official post between SASFAR and men on online Christian ( or any I suspect ) dating sites can I please state that "God I do not remember, recall or intended to ask you to give me experiences in developing patience! I am a teacher. Of children with learning difficulties. Please! Isn't that patience development enough?!"

*sigh* Ok. On with my post.

For this round of online Christian dating ( I so dislike that word dating - must be the Aussie in me ) I joined up for only one site rather than several and was only going to pay for one month. Hilariously I signed up for a year. Accidently. Hilarious.

Ok, fine. I thought. This could be good. It will give me a year of giving this thing a proper go and not giving up when I get annoyed at the ones that push me for my details because they don't want to pay for membership outside their free trial ( but I bet they are fine paying for a pizza ! ) , or those ones that are obviously scams and greet me with a 'Hey pretty lady you is an angle...' or those ones that get my hopes up because we have chatted and emailed for weeks and then disappear when a pretty, new object comes along. ( Although I do have to wonder if I have ever been that pretty, new object ever - just putting it out there - sorry if I have been, not my fault. I had no idea ! ). I can do this.

But what I am starting to discover again, apart from the ones mentioned above, are the guys around my age who are single/never married are for the most part ( not all but for the most so far ) SASFAGR.
Clever you! There is a G there now ! How good of you to notice ;) 

Now sometimes these good reasons are good reasons. Legitimate reasons. But, um, yes. Meet some of these guys in person and they really are single for a good reason, just not particularly good for them. And it's the unGodly ones that they just fail to see that are the most disturbing.

And without me going into my experience of why some of these guys aren't married yet or even been in a relationship it makes me think about my SASFAR status and if I've moved into the realm of SASFAGR.

And apparently I kind of have. It has been brought to my attention by two ex suitors ( one that really was an ex [ aka  The Real Ex ] and one that was an online potential that fizzled out the minute we met  - lets call him Divorcing Dad ) recently and in very different ways that my SASFAGR is not what I would have expected and not what they implied actually I had to piece the puzzle together myself since I was hiding about a dozen or so pieces away under the table so to speak ;) 
Photo by jscreationzs
They didn't have the full picture because only God has the full picture and I have the little pieces of me that I hide away. 

One of my favourite verses in the Bible is from Psalm 139 V 13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made your works are wonderful...

...I know that well.... and that's the bit I have trouble believing when it comes to me. 

That has essentially been my G but you can call it by it's real name. 


More on that on day 363 or whatever. But now at least I know my real reason and I can let Him do a work in my heart and convince me that His works are wonderful, including the making of me in whatever form I am, and that I will be able to say I know that well. And truely believe it.

Do you know it well? ;)


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