A (somewhat) honest look at what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in her mid 30s in Sydney who wants to remain true to the life that God has planned for her but doesn't want to let go of her dream of being in a relationship again and eventually being a wife and mother

Monday, 7 March 2011

-283 1/2 Stuck in a box - the answer

Thanks Michelle & Miss Blasé for your comments on Day -283 Stuck in a Box. I really appreciate them. A lot. Encouragement and wisdom from both of you. *love* 

So after wondering, being annoyed rather than angry and just plain confused over this apparent perception of me. I did exactly what I supposed to do. I prayed. And I knew that I really should firstly talk to Bestest Bud to see if that was her perception of me since it was implied that I was clingy and dependent to her & Bonsai Master ( as I wrote about in the previous post ) but I also knew that I needed to talk to the friend in question and find out whether this was a story that was fed to her by someone else or if it was her impression.  

Since I knew the circumstances and events that had led up to this friend expressing this perception I was able to approach her about this and clear up why I had actually left a ministry that we were both a part of up until recently. At the time that I left I was unable to tell anyone the real reason ( I needed to make a break between my personal life and professional life ) but I couldn't do that until I had spoken to the person in question. I realised through talking to her that she had drawn her own conclusions and those conclusions came to the fact that due to an unrelated comment by Bestest Bud this friend put two and two together and came up with "Miss365 because she is single has been too clingy and dependent on Bestest Bud  & The Crew and needed to leave and their friendship is in tatters". 

Basically it boiled down to the fact that so far it's just this one particular friend's perception ( and whoever else has chosen to believe her interpretation of events over the past few years ) based on her overwhelming need to get, keep and marry as soon as possible rather than be single. I really should have thought about it a little more deeply but I got caught up in the fact she knew an event that happened between myself & Bestest Bud  that I hadn't shared with her. 

But it did get me thinking that I am going to have to either accept or rail against this perception that when you are single that it's easy to be put in the "clingy, dependent" box based on other peoples perceptions of singleness rather than your own actions. If I was clingy and dependent I would be inviting myself over to peoples places, calling them constantly, crying when no one was paying attention to me and wouldn't be writing a blog every most days because I would be too busy stomping my feet and demanding that my friends pay me some attention ;)

I can't control other peoples perceptions of singleness. I barely even control my perception of singleness as it changes so much from month to month as the desert gets longer and longer. So I'd better just accept it but ask questions and stand up for myself calmly like I did in this situation. I think I escaped this box but if she puts me back in, well meh I have other things to think about. ;)


1 comment:

  1. So glad to hear that you've worked this whole situation out! Unfortunately, I guess all of us at some point are gonna have to accept that people will think what they want to think about us no matter what we do. Even if we attempt to prove ourselves to be otherwise, people's perceptions, perspectives and stereotypes are sometimes so ingrained that nothing we do will ever matter. That's why, in the end, it just pays to be yourself and celebrate who, where and what you are at each stage of your life. Way to go, lady!!! :)



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