A (somewhat) honest look at what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in her mid 30s in Sydney who wants to remain true to the life that God has planned for her but doesn't want to let go of her dream of being in a relationship again and eventually being a wife and mother

Sunday, 6 March 2011

-283 Stuck in a box

Photo by posterize

Well one of my worse ( well not THE worst but close ) "singleton" fears was confirmed on my 'lady date' last night. At least one ( or more by the sounds of it ) of our mutual friends/acquaintances see me as the.....


Yup. And the circumstances & context implies that it wasn't a one off or something that was just an 'off the cuff' kind of comment. *sigh* So not the image I have been trying to cultivate. 

Thankfully things have been so much better between myself and Bestest Bud lately that I was able to ask her how she felt ( since it was implied that I was dependent on The Crew ) and after a honest and inner knee knocking chat both her and Bonsai Master alleviated my fears and confirmed that I was not dependent nor clingy and in fact I threw a spanner in the works in our living arrangements when I announced that I was going to buy my own place.  I did this about 4 years previous when I realised that my whole world was connected to them ( work, home, friends, church ) and if they moved away I would be left to rebuild exactly like I needed to do when The Non Bachelor and I broke up.

So imagine my dismay and yes, annoyance to find out that some see me as the 'tragic, co dependent single person' even though I don't think I have actually done anything to deserve that reputation. I probably didn't announce to the world that I initiated the splitting up of the Miss 365 & The Crew living arrangements after almost 3 successful years of sharing a house. Silly me ;)  

I know I shouldn't care what others think of me and as I am typing this Galatians 1:10 comes to mind;
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. 

But GAH! These are my friends. And I am clingy? Or is that just because they don't understand how it took time for all of us ( myself & The Crew ) to adjust to not living with each other anymore. Is the assumption that because I am the single one that somehow my life is lacking so therefore I mooch off Bestest Bud & Bonsai Master's awesome twosome life?

So readers - ever been put in that clingy box and been bugged by it ? How did you get out or did you have to get married to get out ? Or did it not matter ? 

I'm sure if I don't think about it anymore it won't matter ;)



  1. Hmmmmm, well not knowing you personally I can't say that you are the 'tragic co-dependent clingy friend'. But having read these pages, I think you come across as being aware of other people's lives and not wanting to intrude too much, though still being a friend.

    I think sometimes we (and I include myself) find it hard to talk to singles and they are probably trying to be friendly, but we brush them off as being clingy. I have a cousin who is single (and 50 this year) who I struggle with, mainly because his conversations revolve around his ill health and politics - local and global. And it is sooooo hard to remain focused and talk to him, but he lives on his own and his parents are not the most talkative people (the family has serious communication issues!) and it is important to him to talk to him about things that matter to him. I also have other single friends (ranging in age from 20's to late 30's) who I can talk fine with, some are more needing validation than others, but I don't think I would call any of them 'needy, tragic co-dependent'.

    I think it boils down to personality types, and how we perceive people. I would see myself as a person who loves quality alone time, but others might see me as needing company most of the time, so......

    I don't even know if this is making any sense any more, must be time for bed!

  2. Wanting approval and acceptance is a human trait. And, yes, we love God, but there's nothing wrong in wanting attention and love from others just so long as we know who the Ultimate source of such things are. God made us for relationships and, like Michelle said, the level of intimacy one needs depends on one's personality. Some need to be around people more than others and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. The trick is to find people who feel the same and share a similar relational temperament.

    What a friends says does matter to a certain extent because it reveals what's in their heart. Also, were they speaking carelessly (as we all mistakenly do from time to time) or were they expressing their honest opinion of you? If it were the latter, then you may need to pray and consider the quality of the friendship (i.e. if it's primarily a source of positivity or negativity in your life, if you can still trust them enough to share your innermost feelings or whether they need to be bumped out the intimacy circle and into the vague field of acquaintanceship).

    Whenever I feel anger rising within me as a result of someone's words, I try to remember Proverbs 12:16 which says, "A fool's wrath is quickly and openly known, but a prudent man ignores an insult." I then reassure myself of who I am in Christ and His love for me. I also meditate on James 1:19-20 which states the following:

    "Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. For man's anger does not promote the righteousness God [wishes and requires]."

    Hope this helps.




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