A (somewhat) honest look at what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in her mid 30s in Sydney who wants to remain true to the life that God has planned for her but doesn't want to let go of her dream of being in a relationship again and eventually being a wife and mother

Saturday, 12 March 2011

-280 Why it's none of your business or Tomorrow has arrived ( You pick the title today )

Well dear readers, tomorrow is here and I have thought about why I was so bugged, irritated, downright snippy, rebellious about the need to clarify if I was indeed;
  • Single
  • Married
  • Widowed
  • Divorced
My initial reaction  I admit was annoyance and reluctance in essence to put myself back in a box, even on a form that will be typed into a database and place in a filing cabinet for a year. After all, this time next year I could be ticking the Married box. God can do amazing things in 12months. This I see even our leaders lives year after year. However I was too bugged by it.

Overnight I started to think about the options and how I would feel about ticking those.  
  • Married -  Ms. Blasé you are right in saying that "... all of the married chicks I know jump at the chance to announce their marital status to the world. (And quite frankly, I would too if I were married!"  Yep, so would I but in a 1% way at the moment I am glad I can't tick that as I wouldn't have had the opportunity to think about this. Being Married is a feeling to be proud of. There is no shame attached. Your have been 'chosen' by someone other than God. You can prove that another human being of the opposite sex believes you to be so awesome that they are willing to share living arrangements, a bed, possibilities of the toothpaste lid being off or on, having to put the toilet seat down or forever be nagged about it and about a million other things. Married appears to be a status to be proud of. 
  • Single - Well you know how I feel about being single. Equal parts love and sad with a side order of shame for the age I am at anyway. If I was a younger leader to tick single would not faze me at all or if it did it would only be a bit of wistful 'I wish'. But....to be ticking that box at 36 just brings up the feelings of shame that no one of the opposite sex thinks I am awesome enough to...etc etc etc. 
  • Divorced - I dread to think how at least two of our leaders are going to feel having to tick this box ( and it's not even accurate - they need a separated box to be legally correct ) after the trauma and pain they have gone through the past few years. Every marriage has a story. Ticking this box puts a big invisible scarlet D on this person without knowing their circumstances. Depending on who is privy to reading these forms an their own personal beliefs about Divorce, no matter what the view of the Denomination you cannot control individual's own perspectives on such a Christian controverial topic. 
  • Widowed - While I appreciate that they have this box how hard would that be to tick if it were recent? 
Basically the only option that wouldn't cause any type of shame or sadness or worry that I would be labelled.....oh and remember I am volunteering to Direct/lead on a camp for Disabilites where we actively promote not being labelled.....would be Married or Single ( if I was in my 20s or I didn't want to be married ).


I had a chat to Bestest Bud and Bonsai Master about it today while talking and organising camp stuff and we came to the conclusion that they are probably doing it for survey purposes. Which I then counter that to make it relevant they need to have more options - "Separated" &  "I prefer not to say"  and make it clear which sections are for data collection and which sections are for determining your suitability for Directing or Leading on their camps. Again it's a case of one perspective type people designing forms without looking outside the box ( so to speak ) and considering that their questions may cause people to be labeled as a result. 


PS Bestest Bud ( who is not rebellious at all ) said to leave it blank. In fact she said there were several things that she found intrusive on the form that she will be "Whoops" forgetting to fill out. Big big lol.


  1. my sweet friend. i am sorry that you are going through this annoying paperwork. this world of ours is so filled with 'boxes' for some reason everyone fills there has to be a box for everything. bummer.

    have a wonderful day my friend

  2. I meant...'everyone FEELS there has to be a box...' so much for checking my post before hitting submit! ;)

  3. As I've been reading these past few posts I began asking myself, "Would a married person be so introspective or would they merely check the box mindlessly, not giving it a second thought?" I'm thinking the latter because, as you pointed out, being married is indeed something to be joyous about. There's "no shame in the game" so to speak. But why is there "shame" in being an older single?

    Yes, being a single 30-something is quite different from being a single 20-something. When you're 20 and check the "single" box, there's this whimsical feeling of "Oh, it's no big deal. One day soon it will be different." By 30 and 40-something, the whimsy typically morphs into self-doubt and as you check that little box it's almost as if you're having to painfully confirm that nobody wants you. Been there, done that... which is why, when I have to fill out such forms, I just give people the straight facts because it is what it is. My marital status, my age, my family background, my hometown... that's just who I am. And if someone wants to put me into a box because of these facts, so be it. That's why I have to daily remind myself that I'm so much more in Christ than this world will ever know.

  4. @Melody-mae - Thank you so much for your comment. :) I'm really not sure why I am struggling so much with feeling like I am being put in 'boxes' at the moment. If it has bugged me in the past I've just jumped out of them by doing the opposite of what was expected just to shake things up a bit or just letting it slide and let others think what they want. I'm fairly sure God is teaching me something here. There is an obvious pattern to my posts at the moment. I just need to be open to the lesson I guess.

  5. @ Ms. Blasé - You are totally right here. A married person would just check the box and move onto the next one. It's only the boxes that hit a nerve ( and believe me - for this 12 page form we have to fill out there would be at least 1 or 2 nerves hit for most people ) that this introspection begins. Bestest Bud didn't even realise there was a different spot that asked this question. She assumed it was in the Mr/Miss/Mrs part ( it's a bit further down after you identify your occupation ).

    As I said in my comment to Melody-mae I'm not sure why this box thing is bugging me so much at the moment. I've never liked it so would cheekily jump out of the box that I feel like I'd been placed in or just "Meh. So what?" about it. I've never really been annoyed by it like I am lately. I'm going to go back to my Shame post tonight and reflect on that. I need to dig deeper. I'm ashamed of being single. *sigh*

  6. I totally understand. I think the box is a on paper permanent reminder that being single is not where you want to be at this stage in your life. It's ironic how everyday things points out your singleness.

  7. @SingleChristianwomen - I believe you are right. It was just an everyday thing but being different to just stating that I was a Miss instead of a Mrs - I had to admit and again accept that I was single not married ( or previously married ie divorced or widowed ). And I felt labeled. :(



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