A (somewhat) honest look at what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in her mid 30s in Sydney who wants to remain true to the life that God has planned for her but doesn't want to let go of her dream of being in a relationship again and eventually being a wife and mother

Monday, 10 January 2011

-323 Pelicans in Chicago? ( Monday 3rd January 2011 )

Well no. ;)

This morning The Holiday House felt a little empty. The Blue Smurf had left to go to work on Friday night, The Crazy Med Student had left on Saturday night to work on Sunday morning ( that was my surprise when I didn't realise that she wasn't coming back for the remainder of the holiday ) and then early this morning The Princess & The American Boy left early to attend a brunch being held for overseas friends that they wouldn't see for a long time. 

So it was just myself, Bestest Bud, Bonsai Master & Such A Boy ( Polly Pocket was with her Grandparents for the duration of the holiday as her cousins were visiting ). I think we had our fill of lazing around and the weather definately wasn't consistent beach weather so we hopped in the car at about lunch time and headed down the coast a bit to see some Pelican feeding and have lunch ( and ice cream & then dinner..again I digress ) ;)

It was while we were watching Such A Boy have fun on the Merry Go Round on the waterfront that Miss Chicago rang and confirmed our catch up plans for Thursday. Yay! I was so looking forward to seeing her and catching up with her before we met at Bestest Bud/Bonsai Master's place so she could also see them & the kids ( I'd already decided that I would give her time on her own to catch up with them before I went over there to be fair). Being able to talk to her about my life freely ( even for an hour ) was something exciting to look forward to. And it wasn't just the 'single person who gets it' aspect either ( even though she does ). It was the fact although she knew all the work people & issues she was far enough away from it for me to feel free enough to 'breathe' around her or just not compromise her loyalties in a big way like I do with half the world most of the time ( if that makes any sense - probably not ! Lol ! )

So I wasn't prepared for the wave of sadness that washed over me when Such A Boy and I were watching the Pelican's coming in for their trained feed on the waterfront. I looked around at one point and saw all the holiday couples with their kids of varying ages and while Such A Boy decided that he wanted to hug and hang with me for the duration of the Pelican feeding - he is not mine and for a bit I felt selfishly sad that I still didn't have that family of my own that I have always wanted. 

I tried to listen to that still, small voice. And while God didn't say or do anything in particular at that moment, that wave of sadness did pass when Such A Boy said something funny about the Pelicans in his own special way and I just let it go and enjoyed the rest of my day. As you do.

As I will keep on doing because it's only a small part of my life in the big picture. And honestly I am blessed to have those lovely moments with Such A Boy ( and Polly Pocket ) because they love me and I am Aunty "Miss365". And if I keep my hope then maybe I will be one of those couples one day with the kids watching some Pelicans responding like Pavlovs dogs to a specific feeding time to entertain the holiday masses ;)


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