A (somewhat) honest look at what it's like to be a single, Christian woman in her mid 30s in Sydney who wants to remain true to the life that God has planned for her but doesn't want to let go of her dream of being in a relationship again and eventually being a wife and mother

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

-329 Christmas Wrap up

Image by Filomena Scalise
Well it's taken me a few days to get to this post but I'm finally all rested up and feeling like myself again and ready to blog!

So I hosted Christmas Eve this year at my place and for the days leading up to it I scrubbed and cleaned and generally battled my perfectionism streak. It was the first time I've had Christmas Eve with my immediate family Devoted Dad, Marvelous Mum, Rock on Bro and His Better Half so I wanted it to be special. It was hard to navigate around some of the initial tension and awkwardness at first but later in the night when the Wii came out things loosened up and the night became fun. Marvelous Mum made sure we said grace before we ate ( the others don't go to Church ) and I think that was established as a tradition too. Which is one that I love. 

Christmas Day after Church the first wave of the migraines hit and instead of going to my Grandmother's for lunch briefly ( after speaking to Devoted Dad about it -340 Christmas Day Singledom , I decided that I should go for a bit ) I ended up sleeping for about 6 hours instead. So I then went to my cousin's house for dinner and had a nice afternoon/evening with her and the family ( gosh her kids are gorgeous ) and came home. 

Since then I've been battling migraines on and off and sleeping a lot. Which is fine because I'm on holidays and have no plans the next few days so while it's not ideal it's not inconvinent. 

I was talking to another single girl after Church on Sunday about her recent experience with a guy she had met online and I realised how much I've learned about online dating during the last however many years I've been attempting this thing on and off. She's at the stage where almost any guy will do and if they start the sex conversations ( i.e how far have you gone, how far will you go before marriage ) on the first date or even the first chat she might be uncomfortable but she will answer their questions. Or if they only have trial memberships or want her to communicate outside the dating site within days of communicating then she is ok with that too. Or if they haven't been to Church in a while or are a completely different denomination she is open to meeting them. 

Actually I am ok with that last one as she seems to manage to get them to visit our Church a lot so it's not a bad thing......;)

I started to wonder if I'm a bit too picky and have too many "rules" so I've thought about some of my "rules" that I've never sat down and specifically made up but over time through experience have come up with.

So some of my rules ( off the top of my head are )
  • I don't get into the sex conversations and I am put off if it comes up. That kind of discussion shouldn't need to come up until you are in an actual relationship with that person.
  • Him trying to share of his sexual past is a waving of a red flag in front of my face. It tells me that he is either still in that place or wants to be. Next or slow right down. 
  • If he wants to communicate outside the site within the first few chats it tells me that he's not willing to pay for membership and therefore really isn't serious about finding someone. I know it's not cheap to do online dating long term but it's not going to break the budget either. Cut back on pizza for a few weeks. ;)
  • Compliment me on my appearance and that is all you do screams scammer to me. I am very very careful.
  • I don't give out my last name for ages and I don't add them to facebook unless I think that they will be on facebook as a friend (or more) for a while. And they get limited access. Have to protect my friend's privacy as much as my own. 
  • If we don't have a decent chat about God or faith in the first few conversations then I'll try and initate one. If it doesn't become clear he has a relationship with God then I will ask but I'll become less interested. Usually by then he has become a lot less interested in me. I wonder why?! Lol.

I think that on reflection I might be a bit too limiting in my ideas on denomination or Church attendance without knowing their particular unique story but as for the rest I think my ideas are weeding out the non serious or the ones that are mostly looking for a quick hook up rather than a potential relationship. 

And since things seem to be going quite well with Bachelor #4 so far I am inclined to keep to my "rules". We are now emailing and building a good, solid friendship I think. Slow and steady. But you can never tell with these things. We shall see. :)


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